Saturday, March 3, 2012

Pansexual Confession

Confession as a pansexual: My dynamic with feminine people is drastically different from my dynamic with masculine people.

This is a phenomenon I have yet to see discussed in bisexual/pansexual circles. Understandably, the more pressing issues include awareness in general (as opposed to "you're with a man/woman now, that makes you gay/straight" and "bisexuals are just greedy") and breaking the gender binary. Because the B in LGBT tends to be tokenised, the collective statement is that the genders of one's partners are not what's important, that all are equal. That's true for many people, though deeper discussion could prove valuable.

The lesbian and gay communities has been awash with butch vs. femme for decades. It's not unusual for straight women to compare a rugged, manly man to an intellectual, artsy man (Friends had an episode about this). And, this is just from personal experience, the men I date have remarked how refreshing it's been for them to date someone who can be so masculine. Within one gender, discussion of feminine vs. masculine is not unusual. And yet it seems taboo to discuss feminine vs. masculine of all genders, especially within a romantic/sexual context. The queer community hesitates, if not outright refuses, to compare genders - considering the hostile homophobia/heterosexism in our culture, this isn't surprising.

I've made a strong, ongoing effort to cultivate an awareness of our cultural bias against femininity. From the whore-madonna complex to pervasive sexual harassment and assault, femininity is not a safe place to be. So when I'm flirting with a feminine person...I worry over being too assertive. With masculine people, I'm forward and blunt - this is usually appreciated with shock! But I find it harder to read the feminine people with whom I flirt, so I worry about being overbearing...and then nothing happens.

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