Saturday, June 30, 2012

Changing vulva

Warning: Personal, graphic information here

When I began puberty, I understood that my body would change: breasts, body hair, hips, sweat, acne.  this was not intimidating, I looked forward to these developments.  but when my vulva began to grow, I feared that something was wrong with me.  And because bodies are shameful, right?, I shouldn't talk about it.

I had been under the impression that my vulva would always look small and tucked in like a child's, only with hair.  As that gradually changed, my already low body image sank further.  And when I discovered masturbation, things only worsened.  I knew that a husband's penis penetrates his wife's vagina to make a baby, the only sexual pleasure allowed by god.  I didn't know that clits exist, nor why mine felt so good in my "malformed" vulva.  I figured that masturbation was the tool to train myself into enjoying penetration in time for my marriage...getting my future husband to accept my hideous labia was the next battle.

Had my labia not grown so much, I might never have taken an interest in the vagina Monologues later, which was the turning point of my sexual awakening.  Or I might have gotten a labiaplasty had I never discovered it.

Wtf my childhood was fucked up...

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