Saturday, October 26, 2013

Facebook Drama, Even Now

One of my closest friends, M, and my now-ex, E, started dating about 5 months ago.  When they first began, I said I was ok with it...but E was already on a downward spiral in our relationship.  I was hurt when they first hooked up not because they hooked up, but because he wasn't reassuring me and he was very controlling of me.  M was mad at me for being mad at E, and I explained to her a couple times that she had nothing to do with the issues between E and I: his behavior was not because of her.  Eventually my friendship with M resumed; whenever she brought E up I didn't say anything because I didn't want to have any influence on their relationship.  My friendship with M was separate, my relationship with E was separate, M's and E's relationship was separate.

Things between E and I worsened.  He told me one thing and M another and I happened to find out on accident, then was upset with me when I confronted him about it for not just accepting the contradiction.  He told me that I shouldn't have an emotional reaction to anything without checking in with him first.  There were good times, though isolated.  My closeness with his friends and family helped.
And probably the worst thing was whenever I told him we weren't communicating effectively, he didn't know what I was talking about.

After I broke up with E, I debated maintaining friendship with him.  He told me a few times that he views a breakup as an obstacle to getting back together again, and he's tried to get back together with nearly all his exes.  I didn't want that to be me, and there was such a long history of him neither understanding nor respecting my opinions/emotions/wants that I didn't think my word alone would rebuff his advances.  Also, it hurt seeing him say the same thing about new girls in his life, including M, that he'd initially said to me.  So I unfriended him on facebook.  I didn't tell anyone.  He texted me a bit about it between 2am and 9am a few days later, while I was sleeping, and finished it by telling me to have a great life.  Seemed like a conclusion to me.

A few days later, M confronted me, enraged.  She asked me why I unfriended him.  When I told her that he hurt me, she assumed that his family + our mutual friends + M herself were also reminders of him and I should unfriend all of them.  I explained that they're all separate individuals and have nothing to do with my terminating things with E.  Still, she was so offended that I'd unfriended E that she blocked me and hasn't spoken to me since.  A 5 year close friendship destroyed by a 5 month romance.

I woke up this morning to discover all of E's family and our mutual friends have unfriended me.  I don't know what happened, but it had to be big and stupid.  The way E talked so highly of M and his exes and other people, I worried when we were together that he'd replace me.  And he has, to the point of interfering with my friendships with others.  M was always so independent and diplomatic and a great communicator, this is an appalling change.

All this because I unfriended an ex who hurt me.

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