Gender Policing at its Finest

I work in a bookstore at a big, busy international airport and, thus, encounter many bizarre people. Bizarrely normal. The past two days, two irksome incidents occurred and they are more similar than may appear at the surface.

The other day, a straight, white, middle-aged, upper-middle-class man came in to the bookstore. He browsed around, then bought something by John Grisham or Vince Flynn or someone else along those lines. While I was ringing up the book, he rambled about the author; I was politely maintaining my end of the conversation "ok...yeah...uh-huh" He told me with an awed grin "you're very agreeable. That's rare in a woman." ...I'm sorry, what? I clamped my mouth shut as he left, not wanting to spew out what was on my mind. Like, maybe he's the disagreeable one!

Yesterday, a couple of the same mold as that guy fought in the bookstore. They made up by talking about their money. Yes. Then they checked out the magazines stacked next to me. Cher is on the cover of Vanity Fair, the text beside her saying "Cher on her daughter-turned-son, Chaz." The couple talked about how Chastity was turning into a man, had a sex change, etc. Not the most p.c., but not that bad. Then, they began referring to Chaz as "it." As politely as I could muster, I interrupted "excuse me, he is not an it." The husband acted like I wasn't there and the wife said "sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry" until I stopped talking. I look very androgynous myself, so they walked away muttering about me.

Had just one of these encounters occurred, it wouldn't be such a big deal. But the two in a 24-hour period are symptomatic. These three people of the same age and class, probably unknown to themselves, work as gender police. They probably had no idea that the messages they were conveying were that women should be agreeable and that transpeople are "it"s. They probably have never thought about it. Under different circumstances - the couple shut down immediately, especially - a simple discussion could have planted a seed.

Yelp Account

I finally caved and created a Yelp account: www.kkriesel.yelp.com

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=OT7Aqy8VwO2FGXDMlGb1aA "Joey M." commented this on a local coffeeshop:

"They also have a fairly ridiculous sign about why they deserve to be tipped, along with another sign informing us to not use pronouns to describe people unless we are certain of what they wish to be perceived as. Interestingly enough, the 'regular' coffee is often not hot enough, not fresh, or both. If they would worry about the coffee as much as they worry about making goofy signs, this would be the busiest coffee shop in the Western Hemisphere."

YAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!! Transpeople work at this coffeeshop (although now it's closed and getting new ownership in a month), is it really so difficult to understand?!

Genderqueer + feminism?

Feminism: the belief that men and women should have equal rights, protections under the law, and social treatment (education, medical care, etc.).

The transgendered, intersex and genderqueer communities are growing in numbers and strength. More and more queer people are losing faith in the Human Rights Campaign and realizing that gay marriage will fix only a small set of problems. The younger generations are also more gender-variant (I guess the emo craze was good for something, after all) in both expression and identity.

Could it be that the Fourth Wave (with the understanding that the third wave ended when the Spice Girls became "riot grrl LITE" and then broke up) be feminism for all genders? Camp Trans becomes more and more popular every year as an alternative for the exclusive Michigan Womyn's Music Festival, for example, and the generational divide between the two is evident. Feminist bookstores across the country carry more and more book about trans, intersex and genderqueer issues.

What do you think?

Parenting

When I came out to my mom as "bisexual" - though we both knew I meant lesbian and just used that term to soften the blow - her immediate reaction was, "WHAT ABOUT MY GRANDCHILDREN?!" This has been a repeated concern, though with less frequency over time. As an only child, it's apparently my duty to provide children for her to play with after I got too old/independent. At first I was insulted that she would think that I wouldn't/couldn't have children because I'm not straight, and then became more insulted that she would expect me to want children in the first place.

In my family, it's a tradition to have sets of five. My mom is one of five, my uncle had five kids, one of his had five kids, and there are many other sets in the more extended family. As a remedy to my lonely, only-child upbringing, I used to want five kids. Upon progression through school and through a couple relationships, that want passed.

Now that I have my bachelor's, I'm living alone, and I want my master's . . . kids just seem ridiculous to me! Spoiling my newborn nephew will be enough! Although I realize that I probably won't feel the same way in ten years, I absolutely don't want children.

Much more appealing to me is to take in foster children, particularly preteens and teenagers. In particular, I would like to take in transgendered, intersex, genderqueer, etc. youth and to provide for them a safe and supportive home since so few other people are prepared and willing to do so. This is still a long way off and may never happen, me being an androgyne uninterested in marriage. My mom, of course, has no idea of my attentive plan.

At Women & Children First Bookstore today, I considered buying a book that's caught my eye for a few months: http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=9818167&matches=69&wquery=Transparent&cm_sp=works*listing*title. And then this one stood out: http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=10490474&matches=14&wquery=transgender+child&cm_sp=works*listing*title. While debating between those and five or six other books, I realized, "THIS IS STUPID! I'm many years away from parenting anything other than a cat! And when I may be ready for something more, who knows if I'll still want this?!"