It's no secret that I don't want to have children...yes, that might change in 5+ years but I'll still shank anyone who patronizes "oh once you get older blah blah blah." Many personal reasons that I won't describe here, but it honestly just doesn't make sense for me. Any care-taking calling that I might have would not involve bringing more people into the world.
There are homes, mostly in metropolitan areas, for transgender youth who have been kicked out by their families. Homelessness among trans youth, particularly of color, is horrifically common. Prostitution and/or drug dealing are generally the only means of survival...if you can call it that. Group homes provide shelter, rehab, connection to medical care, education, job training, etc. Generally, these homes are pretty strict regarding curfew, drugs, chores, etc. - you know, like a PARENT would be. Also importantly, the communities provide personal validation and assistance in passing (or not, depending on the individual).
The need for trans youth homes won't go away anytime soon and they're always short-staffed and short-changed. As someone with knowledge, experience, and understanding, I'd enthusiastically give my help to such a home.
I interned at Milwaukee's Alliance School - an alternative high school for LGBTQ kids. The work itself was ok, teaching is not my forte, but talking with the students was fantastic. Many of them came to the school mainly for the warm meal (don't get me wrong, they loved the school too - these were kids who had been bullied out of standard schools and appreciated having such a welcoming place) and when they went home at the end of classes, you never really knew whether you'd see them again or not.
To provide a place for kids like them to call home is what I want to do. Maybe that will involve a group home, maybe that will involve adoption, I don't know yet. This idea has been developing for years and it will probably continue to do so until I'm ready to take on a care-taking role.
Related reading: "Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers" by Cris Beam
http://www.amazon.com/Transparent-Family-Living-Transgender-Teenagers/dp/B004JZWOAG/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1324408340&sr=1-2
Showing posts with label trans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trans. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Gender Policing at its Finest
I work in a bookstore at a big, busy international airport and, thus, encounter many bizarre people. Bizarrely normal. The past two days, two irksome incidents occurred and they are more similar than may appear at the surface.
The other day, a straight, white, middle-aged, upper-middle-class man came in to the bookstore. He browsed around, then bought something by John Grisham or Vince Flynn or someone else along those lines. While I was ringing up the book, he rambled about the author; I was politely maintaining my end of the conversation "ok...yeah...uh-huh" He told me with an awed grin "you're very agreeable. That's rare in a woman." ...I'm sorry, what? I clamped my mouth shut as he left, not wanting to spew out what was on my mind. Like, maybe he's the disagreeable one!
Yesterday, a couple of the same mold as that guy fought in the bookstore. They made up by talking about their money. Yes. Then they checked out the magazines stacked next to me. Cher is on the cover of Vanity Fair, the text beside her saying "Cher on her daughter-turned-son, Chaz." The couple talked about how Chastity was turning into a man, had a sex change, etc. Not the most p.c., but not that bad. Then, they began referring to Chaz as "it." As politely as I could muster, I interrupted "excuse me, he is not an it." The husband acted like I wasn't there and the wife said "sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry" until I stopped talking. I look very androgynous myself, so they walked away muttering about me.
Had just one of these encounters occurred, it wouldn't be such a big deal. But the two in a 24-hour period are symptomatic. These three people of the same age and class, probably unknown to themselves, work as gender police. They probably had no idea that the messages they were conveying were that women should be agreeable and that transpeople are "it"s. They probably have never thought about it. Under different circumstances - the couple shut down immediately, especially - a simple discussion could have planted a seed.
The other day, a straight, white, middle-aged, upper-middle-class man came in to the bookstore. He browsed around, then bought something by John Grisham or Vince Flynn or someone else along those lines. While I was ringing up the book, he rambled about the author; I was politely maintaining my end of the conversation "ok...yeah...uh-huh" He told me with an awed grin "you're very agreeable. That's rare in a woman." ...I'm sorry, what? I clamped my mouth shut as he left, not wanting to spew out what was on my mind. Like, maybe he's the disagreeable one!
Yesterday, a couple of the same mold as that guy fought in the bookstore. They made up by talking about their money. Yes. Then they checked out the magazines stacked next to me. Cher is on the cover of Vanity Fair, the text beside her saying "Cher on her daughter-turned-son, Chaz." The couple talked about how Chastity was turning into a man, had a sex change, etc. Not the most p.c., but not that bad. Then, they began referring to Chaz as "it." As politely as I could muster, I interrupted "excuse me, he is not an it." The husband acted like I wasn't there and the wife said "sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry" until I stopped talking. I look very androgynous myself, so they walked away muttering about me.
Had just one of these encounters occurred, it wouldn't be such a big deal. But the two in a 24-hour period are symptomatic. These three people of the same age and class, probably unknown to themselves, work as gender police. They probably had no idea that the messages they were conveying were that women should be agreeable and that transpeople are "it"s. They probably have never thought about it. Under different circumstances - the couple shut down immediately, especially - a simple discussion could have planted a seed.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Dyke March
Yesterday was Dyke March Chicago, the second one I've attended - the first in 2006. Since I have to work during THE Pride Parade, I went to this.
The march itself was fantastic. A few hundred people enthusiastically chanting in political, semi-hipster gear. The '06 march was rather different: whiter, younger, wealthier, more exclusive/separatist, more academic. Trans was not a part of it at all. This year's march was much more trans-centric and diverse (although it was still predominantly white and young). So that was great!!
A lot of things went wrong, though, with my experience, and a couple of these things were on behalf of the march organizers...
- it took me nearly 2 hours to get there. Not only did the march happen in a very inconvenient place for car-free north-siders, but the CTA fails at everything. The organizers obviously can't help that. The south side was chosen because it's "untraditional", and that particular area was chosen because it's busy and a great public space...that doesn't ameliorate that the site was miles away from the L and the bus service is shit.
- the march was very late. I was over a half hour late because of the shitty transportation and the march still had not started by the time I got there.
- I've had a falling-out with one of the groups involved in the march. Nothing big, just personality clashes that could have been avoided had the leaders been inclusive in practice, not just in theory. It was just unpleasant to be with those people again, only one of whom acknowledged that I was there (one of the people who was always super-nice to everyone).
- the post-march rally was...cliquey. This issue ties in with the one above.
Moral of the story: I spent 4 hours traveling today to participate in a late, great march and then be reminded that my company isn't wanted. Fantastic
The march itself was fantastic. A few hundred people enthusiastically chanting in political, semi-hipster gear. The '06 march was rather different: whiter, younger, wealthier, more exclusive/separatist, more academic. Trans was not a part of it at all. This year's march was much more trans-centric and diverse (although it was still predominantly white and young). So that was great!!
A lot of things went wrong, though, with my experience, and a couple of these things were on behalf of the march organizers...
- it took me nearly 2 hours to get there. Not only did the march happen in a very inconvenient place for car-free north-siders, but the CTA fails at everything. The organizers obviously can't help that. The south side was chosen because it's "untraditional", and that particular area was chosen because it's busy and a great public space...that doesn't ameliorate that the site was miles away from the L and the bus service is shit.
- the march was very late. I was over a half hour late because of the shitty transportation and the march still had not started by the time I got there.
- I've had a falling-out with one of the groups involved in the march. Nothing big, just personality clashes that could have been avoided had the leaders been inclusive in practice, not just in theory. It was just unpleasant to be with those people again, only one of whom acknowledged that I was there (one of the people who was always super-nice to everyone).
- the post-march rally was...cliquey. This issue ties in with the one above.
Moral of the story: I spent 4 hours traveling today to participate in a late, great march and then be reminded that my company isn't wanted. Fantastic
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, December 24, 2009
No maiden here
I had a really hard time falling asleep last night, so I began thinking about my family and who'll get married next. Weddings are HUGE for us - I came out at as a lesbian at a cousin's wedding in '05. I was thinking that I would probably wear a suit to the next and, should I ever be asked to be in the wedding party again (I was a flower girl when I was 8), I may request to be in the groomsmen rather than the bridesmaids. One cousin's best man was a butch dyke, so it wouldn't be new for us.
I'm definitely well on my way to...wherever I'm going. I'd like to take more tangible steps (different wardrobe, lower voice, etc.) but can't afford it. It's good, though, that I'm forced to process more before actually doing anything - especially anything irreversible. Masculinity is definitely getting more comfortable and less foreign.
AAC: UnBinaryBot: Restroom-FTM by ~againstallcheshires on deviantART
Cool sites to check out:
http://www.xxboys.net/main.php
http://fuckyeahftms.tumblr.com/
http://transgender.tumblr.com/
http://genderfork.com/
http://www.tophotbutches.com/ <- inaccurate
Al smoking by ~kaelTblock on deviantART
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
"FT?"
I've been doing a lot of thinking, reading, discussing, journaling, etc. lately. What it all comes down to are a few things:
- as discussed on Queeries.ning.com, one of the most difficult things going on is reconciling a feminine-childhood with a queer-adulthood. This being the case, there has been a definite "womyn-identified-womyn" period in my life.
- that period is over. I might go back to it later in life, but it's not happening now. That does not mean at all that I identify as a man: I definitely don't.
- any labels/categories/etc. feel constricting. "Androgyne," "genderqueer," etc. just don't quite seem to cover what I've got going on. Only the biggest umbrellas of "queer" and "transgender" are big enough to cover me. I used to think that people who claim that they don't like labels were kinda wishy-washy, but now I'm among them. Sorry, guys.
- I feel like I'm not "arrived" yet. I don't know where I'm going, how long I'll stay there, etc. but I know that I'm en route.
Taking in these points, I have the "F" and the "t" and then just a "?". Female-to-? I think that is the most accurate label when I have to use one. I'm not actively transitioning, I'm happy with who I am and change is naturally happening in my life anyway. When I do and what I want are just what I do/want naturally and not toward any specific point.
- as discussed on Queeries.ning.com, one of the most difficult things going on is reconciling a feminine-childhood with a queer-adulthood. This being the case, there has been a definite "womyn-identified-womyn" period in my life.
- that period is over. I might go back to it later in life, but it's not happening now. That does not mean at all that I identify as a man: I definitely don't.
- any labels/categories/etc. feel constricting. "Androgyne," "genderqueer," etc. just don't quite seem to cover what I've got going on. Only the biggest umbrellas of "queer" and "transgender" are big enough to cover me. I used to think that people who claim that they don't like labels were kinda wishy-washy, but now I'm among them. Sorry, guys.
- I feel like I'm not "arrived" yet. I don't know where I'm going, how long I'll stay there, etc. but I know that I'm en route.
Taking in these points, I have the "F" and the "t" and then just a "?". Female-to-? I think that is the most accurate label when I have to use one. I'm not actively transitioning, I'm happy with who I am and change is naturally happening in my life anyway. When I do and what I want are just what I do/want naturally and not toward any specific point.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Yelp Account
I finally caved and created a Yelp account: www.kkriesel.yelp.com
http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=OT7Aqy8VwO2FGXDMlGb1aA "Joey M." commented this on a local coffeeshop:
"They also have a fairly ridiculous sign about why they deserve to be tipped, along with another sign informing us to not use pronouns to describe people unless we are certain of what they wish to be perceived as. Interestingly enough, the 'regular' coffee is often not hot enough, not fresh, or both. If they would worry about the coffee as much as they worry about making goofy signs, this would be the busiest coffee shop in the Western Hemisphere."
YAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!! Transpeople work at this coffeeshop (although now it's closed and getting new ownership in a month), is it really so difficult to understand?!
http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=OT7Aqy8VwO2FGXDMlGb1aA "Joey M." commented this on a local coffeeshop:
"They also have a fairly ridiculous sign about why they deserve to be tipped, along with another sign informing us to not use pronouns to describe people unless we are certain of what they wish to be perceived as. Interestingly enough, the 'regular' coffee is often not hot enough, not fresh, or both. If they would worry about the coffee as much as they worry about making goofy signs, this would be the busiest coffee shop in the Western Hemisphere."
YAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!! Transpeople work at this coffeeshop (although now it's closed and getting new ownership in a month), is it really so difficult to understand?!
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