Whenever I've hear the term "feminine genius" in a Catholic setting, I've always felt like I'd heard it before but couldn't remember where. Finally, after hanging out with a bunch of Catholic menopausal women, it clicked.
My Catholic all-women's college library had a wealth of books about midwifery, menstruation, menopause, pregnancy, birth, and "feminine" bodily experiences altogether. Most of these had been written and self-published from the 70's through the mid-90's with a strong emphasis on herbal remedies. "Our Bodies, Ourselves" was perhaps the most groundbreaking as it was the first medical book that explained, among many other things (red flags of domestic abuse & how to survive it, for example), the realities of female bodies without telling said female bodies what they should do to fill a certain agenda. A few of these books used the term "feminine genius" to mean the treatment of "feminine" bodily changes - it's foolish to claim, these books argued, that any & all actions done by a mind within a "feminine" body would automatically be "feminine" acts. Obviously, this made an impression!
"Feminine genius" involved the wisdom of midwives & doulas, the easing of hot flashes, and methods to soothe the aching breast growth of pubescent, pregnant, and transgender women. "Feminine genius" didn't assume that someone who menstruates, miscarries, or goes through menopause will just automatically comprehend what's happening and deal with it in a vacuum. What I took away from these studies was primarily the knowledge of reusable menstrual products, although apparently much more has stayed with me.
I guess I had so thoroughly absorbed this understanding of "feminine genius" that I'd forgotten where I had first heard it. Discovering that the alternative use of the term, put forth by celibate men, excludes the "feminine genius" that I learned in college is sometimes like walking on an alien planet. Where are the cushioned seats for women going through menopause? Where is the outcry against disposable menstrual products that don't biodegrade? Where is the protection of preteen girls, not protection of their "purity," as their bodies change beyond their control?
Anything that proclaims "feminine genius" as a presumption of how all feminine people should be, rather than the realities lived by diverse feminine people, is not something I want a part of.
Showing posts with label feminine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feminine. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Feminine Feminism
Some prominent foci of the current "4th Wave feminism*" are street harassment, intersectionality (though not often effective), and reclaiming femininity. Crafts & domestic projects have become incredibly popular as both personal and feminist statements recently, primarily among privileged (read: predominantly white) feminists. This isn't that different from the DIY movement of the early 90's, save that we have the internet now and crafts today are typically much more feminine than then. I suggest that Pinterest is the primary subcultural point.
A few months ago, an argument passed around tumblr debating that the popularity of Pinterest among women evidenced a move back toward domestic femininity...but that it isn't a bad or regressive thing. Femininity has long been a widespread cultural scapegoat: a woman must be feminine in order to have value, though femininity is weak + devalued in patriarchy. Reclaiming crafts, domesticity, and general prettiness is a way young, privileged women are putting power into femininity. In the 1950's, femininity was often displayed in order to attract & keep a mate (see: The Feminine Mystique, The Erotic Silence of the American Housewife, Pink Think, etc.); that's unheard of now: today's feminine feminists do it for ourselves.
I'm waiting for more people to say that the empowering of domesticity is connected to the current feminist focus of street harassment. Catcalls & stalking often push women back into our homes just for the safety, and more dialogue among women is engendered therein. Domestic crafts are a way of reclaiming the very femininity street harassers prey upon, while also connecting to other women. Pinterest (and tumblr, etsy) has become the women's bookstore of the 2010's.
Of course there are problems within this feminist movement, largely relating to race (as always). Crafts require time and money and a safe place, and the websites of exchange display mostly white able-bodied people, white aesthetics, English at around a 6th grade reading level. WOC designers & businesses are often celebrated by tumblrs that focus on race, rarely by tumblrs that focus on gender/sex (and are therefore white tumblrs). Transphobia isn't unusual either, "I didn't mean it that way, therefore it's not transphobic." I'd like to say that intersectionality is improving now, but I am able-bodied & white and it's not my place to make such judgements.
Beginning about 7 years ago, much mainstream media noted that domestic femininity was becoming more common among [white, privileged, cisgender] women. Many such journalists speculated that feminism was ending, women were going home in order to become housewives, etc. They were partly correct, but they couldn't see femininity as something powerful willingly chosen by strong individuals.
* I'm beginning to realize that the use of Waves as categorizing islands of angry women, as opposed to a point of generational reference in a larger context, is a divisive tool used primarily by mainstream media.
A few months ago, an argument passed around tumblr debating that the popularity of Pinterest among women evidenced a move back toward domestic femininity...but that it isn't a bad or regressive thing. Femininity has long been a widespread cultural scapegoat: a woman must be feminine in order to have value, though femininity is weak + devalued in patriarchy. Reclaiming crafts, domesticity, and general prettiness is a way young, privileged women are putting power into femininity. In the 1950's, femininity was often displayed in order to attract & keep a mate (see: The Feminine Mystique, The Erotic Silence of the American Housewife, Pink Think, etc.); that's unheard of now: today's feminine feminists do it for ourselves.
I'm waiting for more people to say that the empowering of domesticity is connected to the current feminist focus of street harassment. Catcalls & stalking often push women back into our homes just for the safety, and more dialogue among women is engendered therein. Domestic crafts are a way of reclaiming the very femininity street harassers prey upon, while also connecting to other women. Pinterest (and tumblr, etsy) has become the women's bookstore of the 2010's.
Of course there are problems within this feminist movement, largely relating to race (as always). Crafts require time and money and a safe place, and the websites of exchange display mostly white able-bodied people, white aesthetics, English at around a 6th grade reading level. WOC designers & businesses are often celebrated by tumblrs that focus on race, rarely by tumblrs that focus on gender/sex (and are therefore white tumblrs). Transphobia isn't unusual either, "I didn't mean it that way, therefore it's not transphobic." I'd like to say that intersectionality is improving now, but I am able-bodied & white and it's not my place to make such judgements.
Beginning about 7 years ago, much mainstream media noted that domestic femininity was becoming more common among [white, privileged, cisgender] women. Many such journalists speculated that feminism was ending, women were going home in order to become housewives, etc. They were partly correct, but they couldn't see femininity as something powerful willingly chosen by strong individuals.
* I'm beginning to realize that the use of Waves as categorizing islands of angry women, as opposed to a point of generational reference in a larger context, is a divisive tool used primarily by mainstream media.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Feminine Domesticity
Wanderlust, the antithesis of domesticity, is a masculine characteristic. And, likewise, domesticity is feminine. I have a very high wanderlust and, frankly, I don't want this to be a gendered quality. For a few years, I've been exploring masculinity and experimenting with masculine traits. The implication, though, that feminine women stay at home precisely because of their femininity concerns me. I don't mean housewifery specifically, also settling down sooner/younger than men and not exploring beforehand.
Many feminine women, particularly from college, say that they admire my "bravery" in traveling disconnected from domestic obligations. That's great, though it isn't exactly "bravery" to follow your dreams and it would be more of a compliment for these women to live their own lives. These women also fear for me. What does this accomplish?!
Perhaps feminine women are more domestic because home is a safehaven from misogyny. Which isn't to say that misogyny doesn't happen in the home, but the facade of control can be held up there more than out in the world. And for all their masculinity, butch lesbians get very domestic and eager to settle down. They tend to get twice the bullshit: misogyny + homophobia. With the understanding that home is a safehaven from these social forces, butches would be even more driven to build and maintain one. This certainly helps explain why lesbians jump into relationships so quickly: to feel safe together from shared bullshit.
And I may be exempt from gender-related domesticity because home wasn't a safehaven for me. The road is my safehaven.
Many feminine women, particularly from college, say that they admire my "bravery" in traveling disconnected from domestic obligations. That's great, though it isn't exactly "bravery" to follow your dreams and it would be more of a compliment for these women to live their own lives. These women also fear for me. What does this accomplish?!
Perhaps feminine women are more domestic because home is a safehaven from misogyny. Which isn't to say that misogyny doesn't happen in the home, but the facade of control can be held up there more than out in the world. And for all their masculinity, butch lesbians get very domestic and eager to settle down. They tend to get twice the bullshit: misogyny + homophobia. With the understanding that home is a safehaven from these social forces, butches would be even more driven to build and maintain one. This certainly helps explain why lesbians jump into relationships so quickly: to feel safe together from shared bullshit.
And I may be exempt from gender-related domesticity because home wasn't a safehaven for me. The road is my safehaven.
Monday, May 23, 2011
A New Trend
Firstly: http://thoughtsonblank.wordpress.com/2011/04/13/i-am-trans-i-just-dont-try-very-hard/
And then my real post:
Either I've struck gold or there's a new trend - I'm choosing to believe it's a new trend - since masculine/androgynous chicks are a hot commodity.
When I was in middle school, high school and college (an all-women college!!), there were many many girls who felt like they had to choose between male attention and their own "masculine" interests. "I love math, but I want to get a boyfriend," or "I always wanted to learn woodworking, but I got married." AAAAHHH SO STUPID!!! And now, particularly when I'm at work, those kinds of women can't have simple conversations with their boyfriends/fiances/husbands.
Clearly, I didn't give up my interests in order to snag a man, even before I came out of the closet. And that makes me really attractive to a lot of straight men now, which I NEVER expected. Knowing sci-fi, carrying a pocketknife, and having welding experience are not only things I enjoy but they also are apparently pretty sexy. This means that, at least at work, I converse with straight guys while their women get very jealous of me. But because they abandoned their interests in order to get a man, all they can contribute is "look, honey, Bristol Palin is on the cover of People magazine!"
At first I thought that I'm just really lucky, but then I talked with a flaming friend who said that most straight guys, regardless of social group, are into "bi girls" now. Whether it's Jersey Shore types into girls making out with each other or nerds into masculine/androgynous women, we're where it's at now!
My point is...
fuck it
READ A BOOK, PEOPLE!!!! ....NOT ROMANCE!!
And then my real post:
Either I've struck gold or there's a new trend - I'm choosing to believe it's a new trend - since masculine/androgynous chicks are a hot commodity.
When I was in middle school, high school and college (an all-women college!!), there were many many girls who felt like they had to choose between male attention and their own "masculine" interests. "I love math, but I want to get a boyfriend," or "I always wanted to learn woodworking, but I got married." AAAAHHH SO STUPID!!! And now, particularly when I'm at work, those kinds of women can't have simple conversations with their boyfriends/fiances/husbands.
Clearly, I didn't give up my interests in order to snag a man, even before I came out of the closet. And that makes me really attractive to a lot of straight men now, which I NEVER expected. Knowing sci-fi, carrying a pocketknife, and having welding experience are not only things I enjoy but they also are apparently pretty sexy. This means that, at least at work, I converse with straight guys while their women get very jealous of me. But because they abandoned their interests in order to get a man, all they can contribute is "look, honey, Bristol Palin is on the cover of People magazine!"
At first I thought that I'm just really lucky, but then I talked with a flaming friend who said that most straight guys, regardless of social group, are into "bi girls" now. Whether it's Jersey Shore types into girls making out with each other or nerds into masculine/androgynous women, we're where it's at now!
My point is...
fuck it
READ A BOOK, PEOPLE!!!! ....NOT ROMANCE!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Cinderella Ate My Daughter
The next time you spy a Disney Princess product, check to see if the princesses are making eye contact with each other. They're not! Roy Disney was opposed to bringing together princesses from different movies, so this was a creepy compromise.
I'm not arguing that trivial details like this are manipulating the children of America, but it gives you a good idea of how the higher-ups of child-focused companies function (or not). This is just one anecdote of oddity included in Peggy Orenstein's Cinderella Ate My Daughter, through which she navigates her new parenthood.
It's no conspiracy that the boys' and girls' sections of toy stores are so neatly divided, but it's no accident either. Orenstein did an unbelievable amount of research and found that the decision-makers of toy companies honestly believe that they're just giving kids what they want: pink, feminine, consumer/domestic items for girls and violent, mechanical items for boys. They also are after making the biggest sale, but that's to be expected of anyone. And parents are often dismayed at what their children are offered in the gender-segregated aisles, but see no other option. It's partly the companies themselves and it's partly the parents that divide children along masculine and feminine, but Orenstein's research into children - especially little boys who want to wear mommy's makeup and little tomboys - is the most revealing. I'll leave you to actually read the book to find that out.
As in her previous books, Schoolgirls and Flux, Orenstein articulates how gender divisions in our society impact real people in Cinderella Ate My Daughter. She makes connections through hard-hitting research that seem so obvious upon her articulation. I highly recommend reading any and all of her books!
My only complaint, though, is her description of Sesame Street and the Muppets - and I admit that this is only a personal bias. She investigated the very few regular women characters (Ms. Piggy, Janis, Zoe, Abby, ...?) and the Henson company explained that feminine characters just don't market as well as "masculine" ones. Honestly, I always thought that most of the characters were androgynous. Even as a kid, I thought that Big Bird, Elmo, and most of the monsters were genderless (same for the Toaster and Blanket from Disney's The Brave Little Toaster). Then again, that probably explains a lot about my genderqueer identity...
I'm not arguing that trivial details like this are manipulating the children of America, but it gives you a good idea of how the higher-ups of child-focused companies function (or not). This is just one anecdote of oddity included in Peggy Orenstein's Cinderella Ate My Daughter, through which she navigates her new parenthood.
It's no conspiracy that the boys' and girls' sections of toy stores are so neatly divided, but it's no accident either. Orenstein did an unbelievable amount of research and found that the decision-makers of toy companies honestly believe that they're just giving kids what they want: pink, feminine, consumer/domestic items for girls and violent, mechanical items for boys. They also are after making the biggest sale, but that's to be expected of anyone. And parents are often dismayed at what their children are offered in the gender-segregated aisles, but see no other option. It's partly the companies themselves and it's partly the parents that divide children along masculine and feminine, but Orenstein's research into children - especially little boys who want to wear mommy's makeup and little tomboys - is the most revealing. I'll leave you to actually read the book to find that out.
As in her previous books, Schoolgirls and Flux, Orenstein articulates how gender divisions in our society impact real people in Cinderella Ate My Daughter. She makes connections through hard-hitting research that seem so obvious upon her articulation. I highly recommend reading any and all of her books!
My only complaint, though, is her description of Sesame Street and the Muppets - and I admit that this is only a personal bias. She investigated the very few regular women characters (Ms. Piggy, Janis, Zoe, Abby, ...?) and the Henson company explained that feminine characters just don't market as well as "masculine" ones. Honestly, I always thought that most of the characters were androgynous. Even as a kid, I thought that Big Bird, Elmo, and most of the monsters were genderless (same for the Toaster and Blanket from Disney's The Brave Little Toaster). Then again, that probably explains a lot about my genderqueer identity...
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Femme Day
I decided to come in to work on Sunday all femmed out. Headband, makeup, dangly earrings, bra, skirt, hoes and heels. I even freaked myself out:
This was partly as a social experiment...but mostly to keep my coworkers on their toes. And if I made anyone squirm, all the better!
The last time I had dressed all up like this was for my old job, canvassing for WI Environment. As my regular, androgynous/butchy self, people were very rude and mean to me. When I was feminine, people were super-nice...and then my boss reprimanded me for not having "worked this hard" previous days. I absolutely hated the entire experiment. But this time, it was on my terms and my job didn't rely on it.
Yes, I took one of THOSE pictures.
Anyway, normally, straight guys will give me the nod in passing and straight women (excluding the dense middle-aged trophy wives) know better than to gab with me. Sunday, the same kind of guys were giving me dopey grins and the same women tried to gush all over everything with me. In short, people were much nicer...which I appreciate but I don't want any of that crap if I haven't done anything to earn it!
It felt so much better to be back to my abnormal self the next day. I don't get how nearly half the population manages to do that every day.
This was partly as a social experiment...but mostly to keep my coworkers on their toes. And if I made anyone squirm, all the better!
The last time I had dressed all up like this was for my old job, canvassing for WI Environment. As my regular, androgynous/butchy self, people were very rude and mean to me. When I was feminine, people were super-nice...and then my boss reprimanded me for not having "worked this hard" previous days. I absolutely hated the entire experiment. But this time, it was on my terms and my job didn't rely on it.
Yes, I took one of THOSE pictures.
Anyway, normally, straight guys will give me the nod in passing and straight women (excluding the dense middle-aged trophy wives) know better than to gab with me. Sunday, the same kind of guys were giving me dopey grins and the same women tried to gush all over everything with me. In short, people were much nicer...which I appreciate but I don't want any of that crap if I haven't done anything to earn it!
It felt so much better to be back to my abnormal self the next day. I don't get how nearly half the population manages to do that every day.
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Approach
There is a true joke that, in the recent history of the Catholic-vs-Protestant struggles in Ireland, an atheist was stopped at a street blockade. He was asked to identify himself as either a Catholic or a Protestant. He said he was an atheist. After a pause, the guard asked "a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist?"
While being amusing (and sad...really...Ireland's history is so fucked up) and a true incident, there is an interesting aspect to this joke. Where we come from contributes so much to who we are today and where we're going. An atheist who was raised Catholic would emphasize different thing than a Protest-atheist or a Hindu-atheist.
I believe that thinking in this same way in relation to gender should be discussed more. So far, the only time I've heard/read this line of thinking in relation to gender happen only at the Womyn's Music Festival "you're transgendered, I knew that I felt MALE ENERGY emanating from you!" The politics of that bullshit aside, there is something to that "male energy" that hasn't been explored (to my knowledge) probably because it reeks of stupidity so much.
One's gender, expression, etc. says a lot about one's background. An Earth Mother-type feminine person probably has a different history than a dominatrix-type feminine person and so on. It's not an "energy" but more of a way a person emphasizes different aspects. And that says a lot about one's background.
I've noticed that, maybe 70% of the time, I'm attracted to androgynous people with a feminine (imposed by oneself, by others, or just natural) background; this is probably because it lines up with my imposed-feminine background that leads to my androgynous exploration today. In some ways, the approach is more significant than the effect.
I hope to see/hear/read this kind of discussion sometime in the future in queer circles...even if I'm the one to instigate it.
While being amusing (and sad...really...Ireland's history is so fucked up) and a true incident, there is an interesting aspect to this joke. Where we come from contributes so much to who we are today and where we're going. An atheist who was raised Catholic would emphasize different thing than a Protest-atheist or a Hindu-atheist.
I believe that thinking in this same way in relation to gender should be discussed more. So far, the only time I've heard/read this line of thinking in relation to gender happen only at the Womyn's Music Festival "you're transgendered, I knew that I felt MALE ENERGY emanating from you!" The politics of that bullshit aside, there is something to that "male energy" that hasn't been explored (to my knowledge) probably because it reeks of stupidity so much.
One's gender, expression, etc. says a lot about one's background. An Earth Mother-type feminine person probably has a different history than a dominatrix-type feminine person and so on. It's not an "energy" but more of a way a person emphasizes different aspects. And that says a lot about one's background.
I've noticed that, maybe 70% of the time, I'm attracted to androgynous people with a feminine (imposed by oneself, by others, or just natural) background; this is probably because it lines up with my imposed-feminine background that leads to my androgynous exploration today. In some ways, the approach is more significant than the effect.
I hope to see/hear/read this kind of discussion sometime in the future in queer circles...even if I'm the one to instigate it.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Option 3
I use ChaCha, a text program in which you text a question and you receive a brief answer after some advertisements. I've been using it for a couple months and give it 4/5 stars, the ads don't bother me since I just delete them.
Today, though, I texted a question and my reply was not an ad or an answer. Apparently I had to fill out a survey via text in order to continue receiving service. Ok, that was fine. Question number one was "what is your gender? Txt MALE or FEMALE back to us." Uhhh.....what? So many things are wrong with that question, but I just replied "both".
Second text from ChaCha: "Chick flick or wrestling? We need 2 know ur gender so we can send you offers you care about! Txt MALE or FEMALE." EXCUSE ME?!?!?! This is just stereotyping. Obviously they're trying to classify which ads would be most effective and using binary gender stereotyping (not to mention that "male" and "female" are biological sexes, not necessarily genders). I replied "transgender," using the umbrella term and figuring they must have received that answer before.
Third text from ChaCha: "Oops! Only 4 little Qs stand between u and a satisfying relationship with ChaCha! Here's the 1st one: Txt MALE or FEMALE." Ok if they had sent this text rather than that second one, I probably would have replied "FEMALE" and shrugged it off. But that "chick flick or wresting?" irritated me so I send the same reply. The fourth and fifth texts from ChaCha was basically the same and I continued texting "transgender."
Sixth text from ChaCha: "Dude/Dudette! We can't answer your Q until you help us out. Txt MALE or FEMALE." I don't even know at this point. The seventh and final text from them was an email address to which I can complain. AND I WILL!!
Pandora has a similar advertising program and I've checked the "female" and "male" boxes at different times. The "male" advertisements are almost always androgynous and the "female" ads are insulting. I'll edit my ChaCha email and send it to Pandora as well...but I enjoy Pandora too much to stop using it lol.
Today, though, I texted a question and my reply was not an ad or an answer. Apparently I had to fill out a survey via text in order to continue receiving service. Ok, that was fine. Question number one was "what is your gender? Txt MALE or FEMALE back to us." Uhhh.....what? So many things are wrong with that question, but I just replied "both".
Second text from ChaCha: "Chick flick or wrestling? We need 2 know ur gender so we can send you offers you care about! Txt MALE or FEMALE." EXCUSE ME?!?!?! This is just stereotyping. Obviously they're trying to classify which ads would be most effective and using binary gender stereotyping (not to mention that "male" and "female" are biological sexes, not necessarily genders). I replied "transgender," using the umbrella term and figuring they must have received that answer before.
Third text from ChaCha: "Oops! Only 4 little Qs stand between u and a satisfying relationship with ChaCha! Here's the 1st one: Txt MALE or FEMALE." Ok if they had sent this text rather than that second one, I probably would have replied "FEMALE" and shrugged it off. But that "chick flick or wresting?" irritated me so I send the same reply. The fourth and fifth texts from ChaCha was basically the same and I continued texting "transgender."
Sixth text from ChaCha: "Dude/Dudette! We can't answer your Q until you help us out. Txt MALE or FEMALE." I don't even know at this point. The seventh and final text from them was an email address to which I can complain. AND I WILL!!
Pandora has a similar advertising program and I've checked the "female" and "male" boxes at different times. The "male" advertisements are almost always androgynous and the "female" ads are insulting. I'll edit my ChaCha email and send it to Pandora as well...but I enjoy Pandora too much to stop using it lol.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Wrestling with Femininity
I'm halfway through "Whipping Girl: a Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity" by Julia Serano. It's very good and a good first book on the topic - there should be many more from many different perspectives! Serano includes her own experiences as supportive evidence and provides a good history of transsexuality in Western society. The only downfalls are that she has a strong us-vs.-them mentality regarding cissexual "experts" and often writes as though her opinion is the only correct opinion. If one approaches this book as one view on the topic rather than as the ultimate authority, though, the flaws are mere obstacles. As stated above, it's a great first book on the topic of transwomen experiencing the scapegoating of femininity.
The book, though, has forced me to come face-to-face with my own issues with femininity. I'm not among the dykes who think of femmes as "Uncle Toms;" I admit that I have tended to assume that many femmes fall/walk into the same pitfalls as feminine straight girls: not knowing and/or willing to take care of herself and, instead, using her looks to get someone to take care of her. I've known butches who do the same thing,though... And as for feminine men: I have respect for their crossing of strict gender expression boundaries, but I will avoid those who I know use it to get things out of people (same with masculine people who use their masculinity to swing their dicks all over people).
I'm certain that this disdain of femininity came from my past. There is a Biblical story of Jacob wrestling with some guy in the night, but it turns out to have been God. Disdain of this group of people (which I work to not actually take out on real people) is my wrestle with the compulsory femininity that had been prominent in my life until very recently. I'm under the impression that, once I've erased all my compulsory femininity, I can take on the femininity that actually suits me. This compulsory femininity is tied in with strict Catholicism, classism, heterosexism, etc. A clean slate allows me to release my past and to pick what I actually want.
Because I'm in a better place altogether now and there is a clear distinction between my "past" and "now" (I'm no longer in school, Wisconsin, dependent living, old relationship goals), it's easier to release its hold, at least in this aspect. It's easier to see that the stereotypes of the Earth Mother, Paris Hilton, and Jessica Rabbit are all parts of femininity and that it's ok to pick and choose different parts without the fear of falling into weak dependence. Refusing to wear a skirt because one doesn't want to be taken as femme is no different from choosing to wear a skirt because one doesn't want to be taken as butch/andro. I wore heels the other week for a job interview at Ann Taylor; I wore them because I felt like it. The world didn't end and the pain of walking in them made me sympathize with rather than bemoan people who feel like they must wear them.
Being able to articulate all this has made it less intimidating/controlling/big, which is now easier to leave behind me. I'm more comfortable in androgynous garb and I'm more attracted to androgynous people (which is another blog entry altogether), but that's just who I am and not a rebellion or escape. Don't be surprised if you see me in a skirt sometime! I still feel like dressing masculinely or femininely is drag, but I'm free to do it for me.
The book, though, has forced me to come face-to-face with my own issues with femininity. I'm not among the dykes who think of femmes as "Uncle Toms;" I admit that I have tended to assume that many femmes fall/walk into the same pitfalls as feminine straight girls: not knowing and/or willing to take care of herself and, instead, using her looks to get someone to take care of her. I've known butches who do the same thing,though... And as for feminine men: I have respect for their crossing of strict gender expression boundaries, but I will avoid those who I know use it to get things out of people (same with masculine people who use their masculinity to swing their dicks all over people).
I'm certain that this disdain of femininity came from my past. There is a Biblical story of Jacob wrestling with some guy in the night, but it turns out to have been God. Disdain of this group of people (which I work to not actually take out on real people) is my wrestle with the compulsory femininity that had been prominent in my life until very recently. I'm under the impression that, once I've erased all my compulsory femininity, I can take on the femininity that actually suits me. This compulsory femininity is tied in with strict Catholicism, classism, heterosexism, etc. A clean slate allows me to release my past and to pick what I actually want.
Because I'm in a better place altogether now and there is a clear distinction between my "past" and "now" (I'm no longer in school, Wisconsin, dependent living, old relationship goals), it's easier to release its hold, at least in this aspect. It's easier to see that the stereotypes of the Earth Mother, Paris Hilton, and Jessica Rabbit are all parts of femininity and that it's ok to pick and choose different parts without the fear of falling into weak dependence. Refusing to wear a skirt because one doesn't want to be taken as femme is no different from choosing to wear a skirt because one doesn't want to be taken as butch/andro. I wore heels the other week for a job interview at Ann Taylor; I wore them because I felt like it. The world didn't end and the pain of walking in them made me sympathize with rather than bemoan people who feel like they must wear them.
Being able to articulate all this has made it less intimidating/controlling/big, which is now easier to leave behind me. I'm more comfortable in androgynous garb and I'm more attracted to androgynous people (which is another blog entry altogether), but that's just who I am and not a rebellion or escape. Don't be surprised if you see me in a skirt sometime! I still feel like dressing masculinely or femininely is drag, but I'm free to do it for me.
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