My ParaGard IUD

I got the ParaGard IUD (http://www.paragard.com/) for FREE the other day, thanks to Illinois Healthy Women (http://www.illinoishealthywomen.com/) and Planned Parenthood (http://www.plannedparenthood.org/).

Step 1: I applied to Illinois Healthy Women. Other states, such as Minnesota, have similar programs that cover costs for female reproductive health. This was roughly a 2 month process since they had to process all my paperwork, including my low income.

Step 2: Upon receiving my Illinois Healthy Women card, essentially an insurance card, I had a consultation at Planned Parenthood for the ParaGard IUD. I knew that I didn't want anything messing with my hormones, and the ParaGard is just plastic with copper coils. Upon getting the information from the doctor at Planned Parenthood, I decided to get it.

Step 3: The actual IUD insertion procedure. I had to eat and treat the morning like any other day, no fasting. The staff at Planned Parenthood gave me 600mg of ibuprofin and checked me to make sure I'm clean of STIs. For privacy and security, no guests were allowed past the waiting room - I have great pain tolerance, but I was nervous and wanted someone's hand to hold. Since I was texting my closest friends the whole time, I squeezed my cell phone.

Just like with a regular pap smear, I was all set up with the stirrups and speculum. This is uncomfortable for some people, but doesn't bother me. Then the doctor, with whom I was discussing sexual health the entire time (she loved me for being so well-informed and curious), coated my cervix with a numbing agent - this looked like brown vaseline. Next, she dilated my cervix with a metal rod about the thickness of a regular chopstick. This was the most painful part! I felt like I was having the biggest menstrual cramp of my life!

Finally, she inserted the ParaGard IUD. I had asked to see it before the entire procedure, it was much smaller than I was expecting: I'm very petite and the Y-shaped IUD was the size of my thumbnail. A string hangs out of it, outside the cervix for about an inch, so that it can be removed quickly and easily.

Step 4: Recovery. The entire insertion procedure took less than ten minutes, but the intensity of the pain made me nearly faint. I told the doctor that I felt like I was passing out and she greatly appreciated this - people pass out all the time, but they don't tell anyone so how can the doctor know whether this is normal or a diabetic seizure or something else?

I lay on the medical bed, free of the stirrups and speculum, for about 20 minutes until the dizziness subsided. There was no blood, but all the cramps felt like a much stronger version of my normal period. My periods are very light and I was glad that the doctor had warned me that they would be worse from now on (still better than pregnancy!). As soon as I was steady, I got to go. The rest of the day, my cramps were terrible and I mostly lay around in bed with more ibuprofin and hot soup. Two days later, I felt completely back to normal.

The ParaGard IUD lasts for 10-12 years. The copper wires on it irritate the uterine walls to great more buildup, so an egg can't implant. Also, the acidity of the vagina is altered by the copper so much that sperm cells can't fertilize an egg. At 99.5% effectiveness, the ParaGard IUD works more often than getting your tubes tied. It doesn't not protect from STIs/STDs or HIV/AIDS, only pregnancy. Again, the only drawbacks are stronger periods (spooting should be expected, but I haven't bled at all) and that menstrual cups (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cup) can't be used. The ParaGard IUD is effective immediately, though the doctor told me to not put anything in my vagina for 24 hours - with all the pain I was in, I wouldn't have wanted to anyway.

So now all my condoms will be used only when toys are shared and with new male sexual partners.

Trans Youth Homes

It's no secret that I don't want to have children...yes, that might change in 5+ years but I'll still shank anyone who patronizes "oh once you get older blah blah blah." Many personal reasons that I won't describe here, but it honestly just doesn't make sense for me. Any care-taking calling that I might have would not involve bringing more people into the world.

There are homes, mostly in metropolitan areas, for transgender youth who have been kicked out by their families. Homelessness among trans youth, particularly of color, is horrifically common. Prostitution and/or drug dealing are generally the only means of survival...if you can call it that. Group homes provide shelter, rehab, connection to medical care, education, job training, etc. Generally, these homes are pretty strict regarding curfew, drugs, chores, etc. - you know, like a PARENT would be. Also importantly, the communities provide personal validation and assistance in passing (or not, depending on the individual).

The need for trans youth homes won't go away anytime soon and they're always short-staffed and short-changed. As someone with knowledge, experience, and understanding, I'd enthusiastically give my help to such a home.
I interned at Milwaukee's Alliance School - an alternative high school for LGBTQ kids. The work itself was ok, teaching is not my forte, but talking with the students was fantastic. Many of them came to the school mainly for the warm meal (don't get me wrong, they loved the school too - these were kids who had been bullied out of standard schools and appreciated having such a welcoming place) and when they went home at the end of classes, you never really knew whether you'd see them again or not.
To provide a place for kids like them to call home is what I want to do. Maybe that will involve a group home, maybe that will involve adoption, I don't know yet. This idea has been developing for years and it will probably continue to do so until I'm ready to take on a care-taking role.


Related reading: "Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers" by Cris Beam
http://www.amazon.com/Transparent-Family-Living-Transgender-Teenagers/dp/B004JZWOAG/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1324408340&sr=1-2

Alverno College

What you get when you date someone from Alverno College:

1) qualitative assessment skills

2) self-awareness

3) strengths in the Eight Abilities:

communication
analysis
problem solving
valuing
social interaction
global perspective
aesthetic engagement
effective citizenship

4) public speaking, editing and presentation skills

5) mediation

6) whenever you're acting like an asshole, we'll call you out on it: "that's blocking behavior!"

Women Dumbing Down

I've been out of school for two and a half years now and my post-Alverno College, post-women's college, outlook keeps shifting. I see women behaving in the same ways, but with drastically different outcomes between the feminine cloister and the outside world.

At Alverno, there were plenty of students who dumbed themselves down. Normally, they feared insulting someone who might not be as intelligent, which is a twisted kind of empathy that I have yet to see in men. Yes, there have been plenty of women who have complained "so-and-so thinks she's so smart, blah blah blah she's so stuck up." That's even been said of me, when I thought that I was just doing a favor by providing information.
More understandably, these students just didn't want an extra workload!!

In the normal world, there are women who dumb themselves down because they think that they won't be liked otherwise. In private, they might be extraordinarily intelligent; publicly, they feign stupidity. A friend of mine does this and I found out, through one-on-one conversation, that she's very interested in feminist theory (ironic, huh?). Whenever we meet up in a group, I jump in before she has a chance to say something stupid, "hey tell me about the book you're reading!" With others, attempts to get to know them are blockaded by "teehee, look at this cute pic in my phone!"

I'll admit that I sometimes dilute my intelligence, though not to such a degree. Rather than blathering "theory theory theory blah blah blah," I'll see how the conversation goes while asking questions; then I'll point out "what you're saying is similar to blah blah blah theory." I do this because pouring out all I know isn't a conversation, it's a monologue and nobody will learn anything from that. It's more effective and more enjoyable to back off for a little while.

Is it Misogyny?

Sometimes, I encounter an arrogant asshole and I can't tell whether he's treating me like shit because he just doesn't like me* or because he perceives me as a woman. And when he tells me "you don't even have to say anything for me to know that you're wrong," it doesn't really matter why he's being a jerk anymore.

I was recently told that I must be a good person because his friend is dating me.
excuse me?
Gee, thanks for acknowledging me...oh no wait, you didn't. This could be any person hand-in-hand with the prick's friend. The space I fill is not who I am.






* arrogant assholes tend to dislike me since I ask them penetrating questions about their blatant insecurity, but so innocently that they can't legitimately get mad

Getting to that Age

Within one week, two complete strangers asked me about my marital/motherly status. Please don't let this become a regular thing...

When I was at work, a coworker called to ask me for synonyms. Upon hanging up, this lady asked me with a big, vapid grin if I was helping my SON OR DAUGHTER with English homework.
Excuse me?.......................................... May I leap across the counter and throttle you now please?

And at a party, a friend of the host asked me when I was intending on getting married.
Uhhhh.......what?
And then he lectured me on how, at 26, I'm getting to that age of marriage and that it would probably make my mother happy and that I should really consider getting settled [tied] down and that the host has a really good heart.
No, no, no and this was only the third time we had ever hung out! Apparently the third date-ish thing is when you propose now.
Sir, could you please shut your big, dumb mouth while I shove this broken bottle up your ass?

Wrinkles, weight shifts, gray hair and other parts of aging don't bother me - it doesn't make sense to me when people worry over them. But apparently 26 is that age when complete strangers start lecturing you on marriage and children. GAAAAHHH I hoped that I would never reach this age! Up until now, there was always the dumbly-knowing nod "oh you'll feel different when you're older."
YES, I do! I feel FUCKING PISSED OFF!!! Apparently by settling down and having kids, whether I want to or not, and listening to normal people, I'm getting to that age when my mind shuts down.

Women Protagonists

I prefer women protagonists in novels. However androgynous I identify, the way I'm usually perceived in the world, is as a woman. Protagonists who are treated as women in their worlds are more appealing, interesting, validating and relate-able to me.
Not all women protagonists in general. Although they are among my favorite authors, Lois L'Amour, Isaac Asimov and John Green (he may be removed from this list come January!) have rather one-dimensional, sometimes sloppy women characters. Asimov's Susan Calvin, to use the most famous example, is a feminist's heroine for being a strong-willed, intelligent woman of science; he managed to touch a few chords with her, but it isn't her cold demeanor that makes her so distant from the reader.
Clearly, making a general character, however strong, female isn't enough. However powerful or weak, pleasant or hostile, the way a woman character moves in her world can make the novel invaluable.

- "She's Come Undone" by Wally Lamb
- anything ever written by Toni Morrison
- "Their Eyes Were Watching God" by Zora Neale Hurston
- "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak
- "The Color Purple" by Alice Walker
- anything ever written by Virginia Woolf
- "The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath
- "Fear of Flying" by Erica Jong
- "A Handmaid's Tale" by Margaret Atwood
- "Clan of the Cave Bear" by Jean Auel
- "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera
- "The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins
- "Valley of the Dolls" by Jacqueline Susann