Trans Youth Homes

It's no secret that I don't want to have children...yes, that might change in 5+ years but I'll still shank anyone who patronizes "oh once you get older blah blah blah." Many personal reasons that I won't describe here, but it honestly just doesn't make sense for me. Any care-taking calling that I might have would not involve bringing more people into the world.

There are homes, mostly in metropolitan areas, for transgender youth who have been kicked out by their families. Homelessness among trans youth, particularly of color, is horrifically common. Prostitution and/or drug dealing are generally the only means of survival...if you can call it that. Group homes provide shelter, rehab, connection to medical care, education, job training, etc. Generally, these homes are pretty strict regarding curfew, drugs, chores, etc. - you know, like a PARENT would be. Also importantly, the communities provide personal validation and assistance in passing (or not, depending on the individual).

The need for trans youth homes won't go away anytime soon and they're always short-staffed and short-changed. As someone with knowledge, experience, and understanding, I'd enthusiastically give my help to such a home.
I interned at Milwaukee's Alliance School - an alternative high school for LGBTQ kids. The work itself was ok, teaching is not my forte, but talking with the students was fantastic. Many of them came to the school mainly for the warm meal (don't get me wrong, they loved the school too - these were kids who had been bullied out of standard schools and appreciated having such a welcoming place) and when they went home at the end of classes, you never really knew whether you'd see them again or not.
To provide a place for kids like them to call home is what I want to do. Maybe that will involve a group home, maybe that will involve adoption, I don't know yet. This idea has been developing for years and it will probably continue to do so until I'm ready to take on a care-taking role.


Related reading: "Transparent: Love, Family, and Living the T with Transgender Teenagers" by Cris Beam
http://www.amazon.com/Transparent-Family-Living-Transgender-Teenagers/dp/B004JZWOAG/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1324408340&sr=1-2

CHILDCARE

I might have told some of you that I was basically raised by this insane, super-Catholic family up until high school. I stayed in their home more than either of my parents' and they played a much bigger role in my schooling, religious upbringing, etc. Which still wasn't much of a role: they kept me in their basement watching tv whenever I was over. It's no mystery why I was sick all the time and why I was afraid of people as a kid. Since they had cable, I didn't mind at the time; I thought this was all normal.

A mother and a father who absolutely loathe each other, three miserable daughters – the youngest of whom is around 5 years older than me – and an adopted son who cut off all contact when he turned 18. I'd say only the oldest daughter is some semblance of sane and even that's a stretch. The family had two dogs throughout the time I was under their care, both were neglected. All families have problems, but how many scream and cry daily about how much they hate each other while their dogs sit in piss-filled cages?

Why am I writing about this?

THIS IS WHY THERE MUST BE AFFORDABLE CHILDCARE!!!!!
In order for a household to qualify as some kind of childcare facility, a certain number of children must stay there. My mom took care of 5+ kids daily for a year, so her house qualified and was routinely inspected by officials. Because this family took care of only one or two at a time, it didn't qualify. My mom couldn't afford real daycare, thus she stuck me with these terrible people.

No maiden here

I had a really hard time falling asleep last night, so I began thinking about my family and who'll get married next. Weddings are HUGE for us - I came out at as a lesbian at a cousin's wedding in '05. I was thinking that I would probably wear a suit to the next and, should I ever be asked to be in the wedding party again (I was a flower girl when I was 8), I may request to be in the groomsmen rather than the bridesmaids. One cousin's best man was a butch dyke, so it wouldn't be new for us.


I'm definitely well on my way to...wherever I'm going. I'd like to take more tangible steps (different wardrobe, lower voice, etc.) but can't afford it. It's good, though, that I'm forced to process more before actually doing anything - especially anything irreversible. Masculinity is definitely getting more comfortable and less foreign.


AAC: UnBinaryBot: Restroom-FTM by ~againstallcheshires on deviantART

Cool sites to check out:
http://www.xxboys.net/main.php
http://fuckyeahftms.tumblr.com/
http://transgender.tumblr.com/
http://genderfork.com/
http://www.tophotbutches.com/ <- inaccurate


Al smoking by ~kaelTblock on deviantART

Bloodties =/= Obligations

It was first in high school when I realized that being related to someone doesn't necessarily mean anything. I was dealing with my father's absence and this view worried some peers and instructors, but they understood when what was going on became clear.

As time went by and I went off to college and, now, I graduated, my view shifted slightly. There's a difference between disconnecting from someone who's left and disconnecting from someone who's clinging to you. I don't have to put up with someone who wants me to be miserable, wants me to serve her, and who doesn't take responsibility for her 50% of the relationship. I shouldn't have to be miserable in order to placate her (although I doubt even that would be enough for her).

Being blood-tied with my wonderful family does strengthen our bonds, but it doesn't obligate anyone to do something I don't want to do. I prioritize my family when they respect me; someone who disrespects me can't expect blood-ties to be enough for me to overlook it.


To see my loving family grieve over a departed cousin and then to be told by a senseless relative that she "grieves as though my daughter as died" is too much.

Queer Lingo 101

I'm the only queer person in my super-awesome family. My relatives are secure in their sexualities, the men in touch with their feminine sides and the women in touch with their masculine sides, but nobody is out of the closet other than me. Coming out to them was a great experience with plenty of bear-hugs and I'm happily accepted. Parts of family have met two of my girlfriends and readily welcomed them, then comforted me when those relationships ended.

There is a clear distinction, though, between my biological family and my queer family (not just because they don't date each other lol). I get the feeling that some relatives want to ask me questions, but either don't know the language to use, are afraid of offending me, or both. I could never say something like this and have it be understood:

"When my boifriend got back from picking up ze's next dosage of T, ze said that ze's company picnic is coming up. Ze wants me to femme it up and be ze's beard."

My BFF4EVER, straight and cisgendered, has suggested that I teach Queer Lingo 101. Before I came out, some of my family places bets on whether my only other unmarried relative of age or I would get married first*. When I came out, I think that marriage became one of those questions nobody knew how/whether to ask. I don't want to get married but I do want to throw a big party for my family - maybe this class could be it lol!!


* Footnote: there are many unmarried people, especially women, in my family. It's considered entirely optional. And I'm aware that I may think differently of marriage years from now.