I'm working in a bookstore in a big, popular airport. As the weather has warmed up, a certain kind of customer has increased in frequency and insanity. He's always a masculine straight man, usually between 35 and 60 and upper-middle to upper class. Usually a businessman, white or European.
Most of my men coworkers are either flaming, laid-back or both. The more macho my coworker, the more often this happens: I ask a customer if he needs help finding anything, if he's looking for anything, how he's doing, etc. and the customer ignores me to ask my coworker his question. The first few times this happened, I thought I was just imagining things or noticing only when this happened. But then it became a regular occurrence and one customer even said "I'm going to go ask the computer guy my question" when my coworker was not at the computer!! This is insulting, apparently I'm less capable than my macho coworker despite my initiative.
And no matter with whom I'm working, if anyone, this same kind of customer (sometimes the very same person) flirts with me. Usually this is a leery smirk with a wink, calling me "honey" or "dear" or "sweetheart." Sometimes I get a pat on the shoulder... and one guy even said "you're too young to be a 'ma'am'!" WTF?!? Whenever any of this behavior happens, I basically withdraw and just perform the basic necessities of my work. What makes these guys think I - no matter how flaming I am that day - would want this attention is beyond me. Sometimes this flirting happens while another customer is trying to figure out what gender I am!
Many times, I want to say something and confront the asshole. This is customer service, though, and it would reflect terribly on me if a complaint was made to management or corporate. You can't really kill a lecher with kindness, the policy of dealing with angry people, and I've managed to show up some of the customers who assume I don't know anything to help them. I really don't know what to do about either of these habits.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Approach
There is a true joke that, in the recent history of the Catholic-vs-Protestant struggles in Ireland, an atheist was stopped at a street blockade. He was asked to identify himself as either a Catholic or a Protestant. He said he was an atheist. After a pause, the guard asked "a Catholic atheist or a Protestant atheist?"
While being amusing (and sad...really...Ireland's history is so fucked up) and a true incident, there is an interesting aspect to this joke. Where we come from contributes so much to who we are today and where we're going. An atheist who was raised Catholic would emphasize different thing than a Protest-atheist or a Hindu-atheist.
I believe that thinking in this same way in relation to gender should be discussed more. So far, the only time I've heard/read this line of thinking in relation to gender happen only at the Womyn's Music Festival "you're transgendered, I knew that I felt MALE ENERGY emanating from you!" The politics of that bullshit aside, there is something to that "male energy" that hasn't been explored (to my knowledge) probably because it reeks of stupidity so much.
One's gender, expression, etc. says a lot about one's background. An Earth Mother-type feminine person probably has a different history than a dominatrix-type feminine person and so on. It's not an "energy" but more of a way a person emphasizes different aspects. And that says a lot about one's background.
I've noticed that, maybe 70% of the time, I'm attracted to androgynous people with a feminine (imposed by oneself, by others, or just natural) background; this is probably because it lines up with my imposed-feminine background that leads to my androgynous exploration today. In some ways, the approach is more significant than the effect.
I hope to see/hear/read this kind of discussion sometime in the future in queer circles...even if I'm the one to instigate it.
While being amusing (and sad...really...Ireland's history is so fucked up) and a true incident, there is an interesting aspect to this joke. Where we come from contributes so much to who we are today and where we're going. An atheist who was raised Catholic would emphasize different thing than a Protest-atheist or a Hindu-atheist.
I believe that thinking in this same way in relation to gender should be discussed more. So far, the only time I've heard/read this line of thinking in relation to gender happen only at the Womyn's Music Festival "you're transgendered, I knew that I felt MALE ENERGY emanating from you!" The politics of that bullshit aside, there is something to that "male energy" that hasn't been explored (to my knowledge) probably because it reeks of stupidity so much.
One's gender, expression, etc. says a lot about one's background. An Earth Mother-type feminine person probably has a different history than a dominatrix-type feminine person and so on. It's not an "energy" but more of a way a person emphasizes different aspects. And that says a lot about one's background.
I've noticed that, maybe 70% of the time, I'm attracted to androgynous people with a feminine (imposed by oneself, by others, or just natural) background; this is probably because it lines up with my imposed-feminine background that leads to my androgynous exploration today. In some ways, the approach is more significant than the effect.
I hope to see/hear/read this kind of discussion sometime in the future in queer circles...even if I'm the one to instigate it.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
FLORIDA!!
Yes I know it's been a couple weeks since I was in Florida...
Kelly and I flew to Sarasota and there were crying babies everywhere. Moral: if your kids are old enough to be entertained, bring stuff to keep them entertained! If they aren't old enough...they probably shouldn't be flying without drugs. Anyway, we arrived at Sarasota Wednesday night, rented a PT Cruiser and drove south to Englewood. The Florida air was so refreshing, we kept the windows down during most of the 45 minute drive so we could soak it up. The place where we stayed was pretty much perfect, too.
Thursday, we went to Manasota Beach and the water was COLD!! We did a lot of combing for seashells and we found these weird little bug-like things living among them. They were like pill-bugs, only lived in the water and had smooth exoskeletons. Finally getting to a beach, particularly a tropical beach, was so relaxing. While exploring a nearby river-dock, we saw HUGE pelicans and a tiny little lizard.
Friday morning was rainy and grey; the locals said "oh it's too bad you had to be here during such nasty weather." We just replied "a bad day in Florida is a good day in Chicago!!" And it was true! We drove to the Mote Aquarium, on a key off Sarasota, and the weather cleared up by the time we got there. That aquarium was really cool with an area for petting stingrays and everything! We checked out the bird sanctuary nextdoor and the area for larger sea life (dolphins, sea turtles, MANATEES which I had never seen before).
On our way back to Englewood, we stopped at a rookery. I'm fascinated by ciconiiformes so I absolutely loved getting to watch herons, egrets, etc. Two wild great herons got really close to us at the bird sanctuary while stealing the food of their caged counterparts. Sneaky birdies!!
That night, we had FANTASTIC seafood! OMNOMNOMNOM shrimp and crab legs!! I hadn't had crab legs in 14+ years and I didn't like them then; I'm so glad I waited for here to try them again SO GOOD!!
Saturday, we went to another beach - Blind Pass? It was warmer with bigger waves here, so I got some bodysurfing done. Bodysurfing: all the benefits of swimming with half the work. There weren't little bug-things here, it was probably too busy/warm/wavey. While driving around after the beach, I saw a wild alligator sunning itself on someone's front lawn!!
We returned on Sunday, a rainy and dreary day, which helped. On the drive to the airport, I saw a whooping crane! Those things are soooo rare, it was awesome!
There were comparatively few tourists where we were and almost no drunk frat guys, so that was fantastic. While driving to/from/around the city of Sarasota, I noticed something I wasn't expecting. Here in the Midwest, especially in Milwaukee and Chicago, there's a strong German influence with some Scandinavian, Celtic and Eastern European. Sarasota and the surrounding area is much more Venetian and Spanish; it wasn't until being in such an area that I realized how much I took for granted as far as cultural background - particularly because I'm German + Celtic + Scandinavian. That was a fascinating change...proving yet again what a nerd I am.
A big thank-you to Kelly's grandparents for everything!!
Kelly and I flew to Sarasota and there were crying babies everywhere. Moral: if your kids are old enough to be entertained, bring stuff to keep them entertained! If they aren't old enough...they probably shouldn't be flying without drugs. Anyway, we arrived at Sarasota Wednesday night, rented a PT Cruiser and drove south to Englewood. The Florida air was so refreshing, we kept the windows down during most of the 45 minute drive so we could soak it up. The place where we stayed was pretty much perfect, too.
Thursday, we went to Manasota Beach and the water was COLD!! We did a lot of combing for seashells and we found these weird little bug-like things living among them. They were like pill-bugs, only lived in the water and had smooth exoskeletons. Finally getting to a beach, particularly a tropical beach, was so relaxing. While exploring a nearby river-dock, we saw HUGE pelicans and a tiny little lizard.
Friday morning was rainy and grey; the locals said "oh it's too bad you had to be here during such nasty weather." We just replied "a bad day in Florida is a good day in Chicago!!" And it was true! We drove to the Mote Aquarium, on a key off Sarasota, and the weather cleared up by the time we got there. That aquarium was really cool with an area for petting stingrays and everything! We checked out the bird sanctuary nextdoor and the area for larger sea life (dolphins, sea turtles, MANATEES which I had never seen before).
On our way back to Englewood, we stopped at a rookery. I'm fascinated by ciconiiformes so I absolutely loved getting to watch herons, egrets, etc. Two wild great herons got really close to us at the bird sanctuary while stealing the food of their caged counterparts. Sneaky birdies!!
That night, we had FANTASTIC seafood! OMNOMNOMNOM shrimp and crab legs!! I hadn't had crab legs in 14+ years and I didn't like them then; I'm so glad I waited for here to try them again SO GOOD!!
Saturday, we went to another beach - Blind Pass? It was warmer with bigger waves here, so I got some bodysurfing done. Bodysurfing: all the benefits of swimming with half the work. There weren't little bug-things here, it was probably too busy/warm/wavey. While driving around after the beach, I saw a wild alligator sunning itself on someone's front lawn!!
We returned on Sunday, a rainy and dreary day, which helped. On the drive to the airport, I saw a whooping crane! Those things are soooo rare, it was awesome!
There were comparatively few tourists where we were and almost no drunk frat guys, so that was fantastic. While driving to/from/around the city of Sarasota, I noticed something I wasn't expecting. Here in the Midwest, especially in Milwaukee and Chicago, there's a strong German influence with some Scandinavian, Celtic and Eastern European. Sarasota and the surrounding area is much more Venetian and Spanish; it wasn't until being in such an area that I realized how much I took for granted as far as cultural background - particularly because I'm German + Celtic + Scandinavian. That was a fascinating change...proving yet again what a nerd I am.
A big thank-you to Kelly's grandparents for everything!!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
"A House Homo"
Before I post about Florida...
Yesterday, Ricky Martin came out. DUH! Some argue that this isn't a "brave" move for him since he's no longer relevant and it's somewhat safer for celebrities (particularly pop starts) to come out now. I see where they're coming from and the queer community ten years ago sure could have used him. But I'm not him, I don't know his situation and, obviously, I'm not Latino - I can't fully relate. This situation reminds me of Lance Bass' outing and led me to wonder...in future books that mention N SYNC, Ricky Martin and other late 90's pop music, will they mention that/when they came out? There are some queers who argue that it would be irrelevant and gayness should be taken as normal and, thus shouldn't be mentioned and then there are some queers who think that it shouldn't be "covered up" and should be boasted with Pride. I think that it depends on the book, frankly.
As Don't Ask Don't Tell grows as a social/political hot topic, the rift between [HRC + Barney Frank] and [everyone else] expands. HRC, particularly President Joe Solmonese, is separating itself from Lt. Dan Choi...a.k.a. Captain Planet Gay (wow, redundant). A lot of people said that the March on Washington this past fall, hosted by Cleve Jones, split the gay activist community. DADT definitely is proof of that and splits it even more. Equality IL co-founder Rick Garcia, recently, called HRC "a house homo" (if you don't get it, it's a play on "a house slave" or "a house n*gger") in reference to how it panders to Obama's administration. ........REALLY?? Did he REALLY just go there? It's not an inaccurate metaphor, but there must be a less INSANE way of phrasing that. That just doesn't help anyone.
This inter-community fighting is a waste of time, resources, and...everything.
Yesterday, Ricky Martin came out. DUH! Some argue that this isn't a "brave" move for him since he's no longer relevant and it's somewhat safer for celebrities (particularly pop starts) to come out now. I see where they're coming from and the queer community ten years ago sure could have used him. But I'm not him, I don't know his situation and, obviously, I'm not Latino - I can't fully relate. This situation reminds me of Lance Bass' outing and led me to wonder...in future books that mention N SYNC, Ricky Martin and other late 90's pop music, will they mention that/when they came out? There are some queers who argue that it would be irrelevant and gayness should be taken as normal and, thus shouldn't be mentioned and then there are some queers who think that it shouldn't be "covered up" and should be boasted with Pride. I think that it depends on the book, frankly.
As Don't Ask Don't Tell grows as a social/political hot topic, the rift between [HRC + Barney Frank] and [everyone else] expands. HRC, particularly President Joe Solmonese, is separating itself from Lt. Dan Choi...a.k.a. Captain Planet Gay (wow, redundant). A lot of people said that the March on Washington this past fall, hosted by Cleve Jones, split the gay activist community. DADT definitely is proof of that and splits it even more. Equality IL co-founder Rick Garcia, recently, called HRC "a house homo" (if you don't get it, it's a play on "a house slave" or "a house n*gger") in reference to how it panders to Obama's administration. ........REALLY?? Did he REALLY just go there? It's not an inaccurate metaphor, but there must be a less INSANE way of phrasing that. That just doesn't help anyone.
This inter-community fighting is a waste of time, resources, and...everything.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Option 3
I use ChaCha, a text program in which you text a question and you receive a brief answer after some advertisements. I've been using it for a couple months and give it 4/5 stars, the ads don't bother me since I just delete them.
Today, though, I texted a question and my reply was not an ad or an answer. Apparently I had to fill out a survey via text in order to continue receiving service. Ok, that was fine. Question number one was "what is your gender? Txt MALE or FEMALE back to us." Uhhh.....what? So many things are wrong with that question, but I just replied "both".
Second text from ChaCha: "Chick flick or wrestling? We need 2 know ur gender so we can send you offers you care about! Txt MALE or FEMALE." EXCUSE ME?!?!?! This is just stereotyping. Obviously they're trying to classify which ads would be most effective and using binary gender stereotyping (not to mention that "male" and "female" are biological sexes, not necessarily genders). I replied "transgender," using the umbrella term and figuring they must have received that answer before.
Third text from ChaCha: "Oops! Only 4 little Qs stand between u and a satisfying relationship with ChaCha! Here's the 1st one: Txt MALE or FEMALE." Ok if they had sent this text rather than that second one, I probably would have replied "FEMALE" and shrugged it off. But that "chick flick or wresting?" irritated me so I send the same reply. The fourth and fifth texts from ChaCha was basically the same and I continued texting "transgender."
Sixth text from ChaCha: "Dude/Dudette! We can't answer your Q until you help us out. Txt MALE or FEMALE." I don't even know at this point. The seventh and final text from them was an email address to which I can complain. AND I WILL!!
Pandora has a similar advertising program and I've checked the "female" and "male" boxes at different times. The "male" advertisements are almost always androgynous and the "female" ads are insulting. I'll edit my ChaCha email and send it to Pandora as well...but I enjoy Pandora too much to stop using it lol.
Today, though, I texted a question and my reply was not an ad or an answer. Apparently I had to fill out a survey via text in order to continue receiving service. Ok, that was fine. Question number one was "what is your gender? Txt MALE or FEMALE back to us." Uhhh.....what? So many things are wrong with that question, but I just replied "both".
Second text from ChaCha: "Chick flick or wrestling? We need 2 know ur gender so we can send you offers you care about! Txt MALE or FEMALE." EXCUSE ME?!?!?! This is just stereotyping. Obviously they're trying to classify which ads would be most effective and using binary gender stereotyping (not to mention that "male" and "female" are biological sexes, not necessarily genders). I replied "transgender," using the umbrella term and figuring they must have received that answer before.
Third text from ChaCha: "Oops! Only 4 little Qs stand between u and a satisfying relationship with ChaCha! Here's the 1st one: Txt MALE or FEMALE." Ok if they had sent this text rather than that second one, I probably would have replied "FEMALE" and shrugged it off. But that "chick flick or wresting?" irritated me so I send the same reply. The fourth and fifth texts from ChaCha was basically the same and I continued texting "transgender."
Sixth text from ChaCha: "Dude/Dudette! We can't answer your Q until you help us out. Txt MALE or FEMALE." I don't even know at this point. The seventh and final text from them was an email address to which I can complain. AND I WILL!!
Pandora has a similar advertising program and I've checked the "female" and "male" boxes at different times. The "male" advertisements are almost always androgynous and the "female" ads are insulting. I'll edit my ChaCha email and send it to Pandora as well...but I enjoy Pandora too much to stop using it lol.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Bathroom surprise!
Friday, I was over in Gold Coast/River North (for you non-Chicagoans, that's the area directly north of downtown. It's REALLY ritzy and full of hipster-yuppies) and used a Starbucks bathroom. Yes, I still use the women's. When I came out of the stall, the two young yuppie-housewives jumped in shock and almost yelped! They exchanged a confused glance and gulped down their words. I was thrilled, I love confusing people...especially yuppies.
At work, there are unisex, single-stall bathrooms...that are also the family and handicap bathrooms. I really don't want to use those when someone with a sick kid or a wheelchair actually needs it more than I do. So I continue to use the women's; because it's O'Hare and, thus, full of weirdoes, I get odd looks only once a week or so.
It would still take a lot for me to use a men's multi-stall bathroom.
A lot of customers say "ma'am" and "lady" in reference to me. I like the respect (as opposed to saying "that bitch over there") and I shouldn't expect them to know to use gender-neutral terms like "rabbi," "doctor" and "captain"...especially since I'm not actually any of those social ranks. "Sir" and "bud" make me giggle, especially since the two people who have called me that didn't realize afterward that I'm neither of those. Maybe I should just make a new nametag for my uniform, "Officer K," and bug people to salute me.
At work, there are unisex, single-stall bathrooms...that are also the family and handicap bathrooms. I really don't want to use those when someone with a sick kid or a wheelchair actually needs it more than I do. So I continue to use the women's; because it's O'Hare and, thus, full of weirdoes, I get odd looks only once a week or so.
It would still take a lot for me to use a men's multi-stall bathroom.
A lot of customers say "ma'am" and "lady" in reference to me. I like the respect (as opposed to saying "that bitch over there") and I shouldn't expect them to know to use gender-neutral terms like "rabbi," "doctor" and "captain"...especially since I'm not actually any of those social ranks. "Sir" and "bud" make me giggle, especially since the two people who have called me that didn't realize afterward that I'm neither of those. Maybe I should just make a new nametag for my uniform, "Officer K," and bug people to salute me.
Monday, March 15, 2010
So much time has gone by :P
10 years ago: I first became a Beatlemaniac. It was actually right before Christmas '99 that I discovered and fell in love with them; it was so soon before Christmas that people had already gotten me N*SYNC and Backstreet Boys crap and I didn't even want it anymore! At this point, the only albums I had were Abbey Road - my mom's copy - and an orchestra cover album. The first Beatles albums I bought were Rubber Soul and Revolver together, June '00, and they really do go together.
10 years ago: I rejected Confirmation at my Catholic school. Bullying had been bad before this, but now all hell broke loose and only one faculty member stood up for me...subtly since she didn't want to lose her job.
10 years ago: I finally got out of that terrible K-8 school and began high school at my beloved Loyola Academy! There was still bullying, of course, but I had friends who were my friends because they WANTED to be rather than stuck as outcasts and the faculty was on our side. High school was really when my life began and that's why I care so much about what happens to Loyola now.
10 years ago: I rejected bullshit. This was really complex and the symptoms of the bullshit were that I wanted rhinoplasty, I wanted to be popular, I followed trends mindlessly, I said that I had a crush on the most popular guy as a last desperate attempt for acceptance, etc. Because of The Beatles, I quit all that. They, more than anyone or anything else, taught me that it's ok to be myself and fuck anyone who doesn't like it.
10 years ago: my birthday this year will be the 10 year mark of no contact with my dad. He's turning 79 in June and I really just want him to DIE ALREADY so I can finally forgive him and move on with my life! I need to wait until he can't come back again (he's periodically sent angry emails) before I can make myself that vulnerable to him.
10 years ago: I came out to myself as bisexual and, over time, that gradually wore down to full-on queer.
5 years ago: I came out as a lesbian! Lol I was such a lipstick lesbian back then...it was ridiculous. My family was so awesome about it and, later, I found out that some people at Alverno had thought before then that I was flaming! I was exuding queer without even trying!
5 years ago: I cut off my looooooooonnnngggg hair. It went down past my waist! At the time, I honestly considered growing it back out...but then I noticed the attention I got from girls and how much easier it was just to make it through the day without this THING I was carrying around.
5 years ago: I got my first tattoo: the red female/Venus symbol on my right hip. Then, especially since I was such a high femme, I considered it a feminist symbol. Which it still is...but now I want a blue male/Mars symbol on my left hip. Feminism isn't solely about femininity, it's about everyone. I might even get a purple question mark in the middle someday lol
5 years ago: I had my first girlfriend, Jackie. God, that was an awkward situation...I'm so glad it's OVER! I'm grateful it happened, though, and that she was my first rather than...another person (if you knew me back then, you know what I'm talking about).
5 years ago: Last but not least, I became friends with Katy and Lauren!! YEAH!!!!!!!!
10 years ago: I rejected Confirmation at my Catholic school. Bullying had been bad before this, but now all hell broke loose and only one faculty member stood up for me...subtly since she didn't want to lose her job.
10 years ago: I finally got out of that terrible K-8 school and began high school at my beloved Loyola Academy! There was still bullying, of course, but I had friends who were my friends because they WANTED to be rather than stuck as outcasts and the faculty was on our side. High school was really when my life began and that's why I care so much about what happens to Loyola now.
10 years ago: I rejected bullshit. This was really complex and the symptoms of the bullshit were that I wanted rhinoplasty, I wanted to be popular, I followed trends mindlessly, I said that I had a crush on the most popular guy as a last desperate attempt for acceptance, etc. Because of The Beatles, I quit all that. They, more than anyone or anything else, taught me that it's ok to be myself and fuck anyone who doesn't like it.
10 years ago: my birthday this year will be the 10 year mark of no contact with my dad. He's turning 79 in June and I really just want him to DIE ALREADY so I can finally forgive him and move on with my life! I need to wait until he can't come back again (he's periodically sent angry emails) before I can make myself that vulnerable to him.
10 years ago: I came out to myself as bisexual and, over time, that gradually wore down to full-on queer.
5 years ago: I came out as a lesbian! Lol I was such a lipstick lesbian back then...it was ridiculous. My family was so awesome about it and, later, I found out that some people at Alverno had thought before then that I was flaming! I was exuding queer without even trying!
5 years ago: I cut off my looooooooonnnngggg hair. It went down past my waist! At the time, I honestly considered growing it back out...but then I noticed the attention I got from girls and how much easier it was just to make it through the day without this THING I was carrying around.
5 years ago: I got my first tattoo: the red female/Venus symbol on my right hip. Then, especially since I was such a high femme, I considered it a feminist symbol. Which it still is...but now I want a blue male/Mars symbol on my left hip. Feminism isn't solely about femininity, it's about everyone. I might even get a purple question mark in the middle someday lol
5 years ago: I had my first girlfriend, Jackie. God, that was an awkward situation...I'm so glad it's OVER! I'm grateful it happened, though, and that she was my first rather than...another person (if you knew me back then, you know what I'm talking about).
5 years ago: Last but not least, I became friends with Katy and Lauren!! YEAH!!!!!!!!
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