Sunday, September 20, 2009

Compassion

Before I begin, I should describe exactly what my high school means to me, why it's so important to me. I was basically raised by a benignly neglectful family, I went to a TERRIBLE Catholic K-8, spent time with my parents only during summer and winter breaks...not necessarily good time. Loyola Academy became my immediate family, I went from spending 9+ hours a day with said benignly neglectful family to 10+ hours a day with awesome people who genuinely cared about me as an individual. Sure, there were buttholes such as the entire math department, but they were so minimal compared to everything else! I even grew to love religious studies and Mr. McGrath, now Fr. McGrath, was the person who convinced me that there are trustworthy, compassionate clergymen. What really made me appreciate Loyola, though, was that my mom tried to take me out of it five times in three years; her idea of discipline was to register me in dangerous, poor schools. That made Loyola even more like family to me.

A lot of changes occurred my senior year and plummeted downhill from there. A shrew basically appointed herself some new position when someone else with a customized position quit (and he quit because she was employed there in the first place) and began spreading homophobic policies. Apparently anyone mentioning anything gay-related would turn the students gay, so she made it a punishable offense.

Mr./Fr. McGrath became a beacon of hope when he was elected the new president of the school. He diffused my anger at religion/clergy, kept a respectful and accepting dialogue, and was just a super-fun teacher! I learned so much in his Theology class about how to form one's own personal spirituality, how one forms hir own relationship with God/Gods/etc., etc. It was wonderful.

AND NOW HE IS PRESIDENT!!!!! I attended his welcoming mass this morning, which was also the centennial mass for the school. It was great and he was ecstatic to see me. His homily preached compassion as the way for everyone at the mass to "weave their histories into Loyola's." Wonderful! Afterward, there were refreshments and a long line of people wanting to talk to him. Alum, parents, etc. and I all made smalltalk about our experiences at Loyola. Then I finally got to chat with him; we laughed about the old inside jokes from our class and were happy for each other both being in good places.

Then I said, "You once commented on how tough I was. I've been harassed, threatened and fired for being openly gay but it wasn't my toughness that got me through all that, it was the compassion that I learned here. The gay students here need that compassion." He asked if I was referring to anything specific and I explained the frankly homophobic policy. He said that he wasn't aware of that policy, but that he would look into it and that he appreciated that I talked to him. And then other people grabbed his attention so he said it was great to see me that he was glad that I came.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Support in Strange Places

I've spent the past two days in training for my new job. It's the equivalent of a DMV position, but it's money with good hours. About thirty people were in my training class, ranging 20 through 50 with the majority in their early 30's. Only four guys were there and one flamer aside from myself, a soft butch who completely ignored me. When we all introduced ourselves to the class, one of the guys immediately said he's a preacher. He looks like he's about 34, overdressed with a pencil-thin mustache and he would not shut up the entire first day. During our lunchbreak, he blathered to me about how he's a liberal preacher who embraces straight and gay because our Lord loves everyone and we should thank him for making us all so different with his Word and everything. Good for you, you're still a windbag. Most of the others adored him because, well, he's a preacher in a roomful of stereotypical southern baptists displaced in Chicago and that gave him license to brag. Today, though, he was much quieter and respectful of everyone.

While the trainer FINALLY showed us the actual computer program we would be using to fill out forms for applicants, I rolled my eyes to myself as the "male/female" dropdown menu appeared. Surprisingly, "Undeclared" was the third option! SWEET!!!! Exasperated smirks and even laughter snaked through my coworkers, though, as they tried to imagine who could possibly be "undeclared." The trainer calmly explained, "Well, sometimes someone who you can't tell will come to you and it would be really rude to ask." It was good that she explained it in this way, but the giggles took a while to die down. I slyly looked around at my peers' faces and I found the preacher, silent, giving me a knowing, sympathetic and supportive look. The one person in the room who read me, how accurately I'll never know, and realized the disrespect of our flabbergasted coworkers.

You never know where support, however silent and momentary, will come from.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Obama's Speech to Students

I watched President Obama's speech to students across the country on YouTube. He gave a lot of the same messages that everyone gives: work hard, practice, overcome your obstacles, these other people had it much harder than you but they're doctors and community leaders now, etc.

This speech, like his presidency, means a lot more because of his background. Raised by a single mom, without privilege, having to work hard to overcome every obstacle, etc. If Bush had delivered the same speech, it wouldn't have meant anything not only because he was a dumbass, but also because he never had to work for anything in his life.

Of course, the students all looked bored and I'm sure that most of them realized "He's going to say the same thing as every motivational speaker has ever said" right away. I'd like to think that even a few students around the country took his message to heart and worked harder to reach higher goals, just like there are some, mostly minority, children around the country who see now that they, too, can become president.

What did the speech actually DO, though? Nothing. This speech means nothing to students who can't afford notebooks, who sell crack just to support their own children, who are beaten by their parents, etc. They're too busy trying to survive to care what the president says. It's great that some students worked hard enough to overcome their lack of privilege, but some students have only enough to take care of their elderly grandparents or have only enough to travel two or more hours through dangerous neighborhoods just to get home from school. Nothing is being done to help them; a speech is nothing compared to HEALTH CARE and WELL-FUNDED EDUCATION.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Genderqueer + feminism?

Feminism: the belief that men and women should have equal rights, protections under the law, and social treatment (education, medical care, etc.).

The transgendered, intersex and genderqueer communities are growing in numbers and strength. More and more queer people are losing faith in the Human Rights Campaign and realizing that gay marriage will fix only a small set of problems. The younger generations are also more gender-variant (I guess the emo craze was good for something, after all) in both expression and identity.

Could it be that the Fourth Wave (with the understanding that the third wave ended when the Spice Girls became "riot grrl LITE" and then broke up) be feminism for all genders? Camp Trans becomes more and more popular every year as an alternative for the exclusive Michigan Womyn's Music Festival, for example, and the generational divide between the two is evident. Feminist bookstores across the country carry more and more book about trans, intersex and genderqueer issues.

What do you think?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Women's Spaces

My love of the Guerrilla Girls having recently been rekindled (http://www.guerrillagirls.com/) and a call for artists for Women's History Month have made me wonder . . . now that I'm out as genderqueer, do I belong in "women's spaces"?

I mean . . . because I'm female and can easily "pass" as a woman, I could just take advantage of what these things have to offer. However, using this as a metaphor for the issue itself: it would be wrong for me to deny who I am, using my femaleness, just to get into the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival while people who actually identify as women, but aren't biologically female, can't get in.

I really admire the Guerrilla Girls and would be honored if I was actually INVITED to join them someday, but I'm not a girl, a grrl, a woman, a womyn, etc. I can do drag of those things, but it's still drag. I am still a feminist, of course, and will happily continue my feminist activism! But I would feel like I'm infiltrating, using others' trust to my own benefit, a women's group. I mean, if I would be welcome after making it clear that I'm genderqueer, I would join. People of all genders are welcome, for example, at the Women & Children First Bookstore and there are many books available there about all genders.

I guess what I'm trying to say with all this rambling is that I would join an inclusive group not just because I'd be welcome, but also because it's inclusive. I would understand my exclusion from an exclusive group AS LONG AS IT MAKES SENSE (a.k.a. not the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival).

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Parenting

When I came out to my mom as "bisexual" - though we both knew I meant lesbian and just used that term to soften the blow - her immediate reaction was, "WHAT ABOUT MY GRANDCHILDREN?!" This has been a repeated concern, though with less frequency over time. As an only child, it's apparently my duty to provide children for her to play with after I got too old/independent. At first I was insulted that she would think that I wouldn't/couldn't have children because I'm not straight, and then became more insulted that she would expect me to want children in the first place.

In my family, it's a tradition to have sets of five. My mom is one of five, my uncle had five kids, one of his had five kids, and there are many other sets in the more extended family. As a remedy to my lonely, only-child upbringing, I used to want five kids. Upon progression through school and through a couple relationships, that want passed.

Now that I have my bachelor's, I'm living alone, and I want my master's . . . kids just seem ridiculous to me! Spoiling my newborn nephew will be enough! Although I realize that I probably won't feel the same way in ten years, I absolutely don't want children.

Much more appealing to me is to take in foster children, particularly preteens and teenagers. In particular, I would like to take in transgendered, intersex, genderqueer, etc. youth and to provide for them a safe and supportive home since so few other people are prepared and willing to do so. This is still a long way off and may never happen, me being an androgyne uninterested in marriage. My mom, of course, has no idea of my attentive plan.

At Women & Children First Bookstore today, I considered buying a book that's caught my eye for a few months: http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=9818167&matches=69&wquery=Transparent&cm_sp=works*listing*title. And then this one stood out: http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=10490474&matches=14&wquery=transgender+child&cm_sp=works*listing*title. While debating between those and five or six other books, I realized, "THIS IS STUPID! I'm many years away from parenting anything other than a cat! And when I may be ready for something more, who knows if I'll still want this?!"