Why LGBT Pride Mass is Important

St. Paul the Apostle Catholic Church in NYC is hosting a Pride Mass this month across the street from Stonewall Inn. My life is pretty evenly divided between Catholics who're unfamiliar with LGBT pride/history, and "secular" queer people who've been pushed too far away from the Church to have any faith in it. Then there are a few of us trying to bridge the divide. This Pride Mass is St. Paul the Apostle Church bridging that divide. I'm going to attempt to explain the importance to both sides here.

Why LGBT Pride is important:

I went to Milwaukee PrideFest from 2005 through 2013, and the changes that happened there over those 8 years were absolutely incredible. The first few years photography was banned (this was before smartphones) because so many people were in the closet, protesters crowded outside, people came from around the state for the much-needed community. I knew a few teachers who feared that their participation at PrideFest would get out and they would lose their jobs. But as more celebrities came out, more conversation about LGBT rights happened on a national scale, more companies began sponsoring Pride events, more schools began getting gay-straight alliances, and more people came out, things began to change. The B52s, Cyndi Lauper, Joan Jett, and others came to perform at PrideFest! The last couple years, the only protester was a local joke who drag queens posed in front of for pictures. Child-friendly sections of the festival grounds opened, and people brought their kids! I interned at The Alliance School, a high school for LGBT kids who'd been bullied out of their schools, and they've been holding their graduation ceremonies at PrideFest for years!
There are still LGBT people getting kicked out of their homes by their parents, losing their jobs (especially under Christian employers), being beaten and killed and "corrective" raped. Compared to the rest of the population, a disproportionate number of LGBT people are incarcerated, homeless, and/or clinically depressed. Pride is community, culture, and history that both memorializes those we have lost and provides a safehaven away from that pain. I used Milwaukee PrideFest as an example because it shows precisely how LGBT communities can thrive through Pride in a way that couldn't happen without it.

Why Mass is important in this context:

Mass is when Catholics gather together and share Communion as a community of equals. Usually, the Bible readings leading up to Communion highlight God's presence in the poor, downtrodden, exiled, and despised. Communion is the epitome of that. "The body of Christ" refers to both the actual Eucharist and the people sharing it.
To have Mass across the street from Stonewall Inn (where Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson lead a protest against a violent police raid on the gay bar in 1969) is to acknowledge that the people there have that presence too. An explicitly LGBT Mass proclaims LGBT people as "the body of Christ."

This LGBT Pride Mass isn't a solution, it's a step in building a bridge. The Church has many more steps to take, but I think that explaining the details of this huge step to both sides might make building that bridge easier.

I finally went to a drag show here in Nashville. It was great! And now, 3 months after moving, I'm homesick.

The performers were fantastic, a drag king kissed my cheek, it was 90’s night, people looked at me like I was fresh meat (been a long time since that’s happened!).  I’ll definitely go back.

But the drag show made me incredibly homesick for Milwaukee.  Finally.  Aside from some friends and food, I haven’t really missed the MidWest much.  The differences between there and here confound me sometimes, but I miss the SouthWest much more (and that’s just a constant).  Overall, the move to Nashville was definitely for the best: 1 catcall in 3 months, whoring is so much better, I love my job, it’s warmer, it’s greener, the poly community is amazing, there’s a great dungeon, I’m meeting kinky nerds, I’m living with my lover and I’m far away from my ex and his bullshit.  Essentially the only places that I’ve missed have changed with time and can’t be revisited anyway (malls in the late 90’s, Belmont & Clark right before emo started, the Adler Planetarium when it was still hating on the USSR).

But the Milwaukee queer community I miss dearly now.  It’s extremely open to anyone, it’s educational, it focuses on local charity, it provides safehavens to those who need it, it has EVERYTHING.  I can’t imagine a better community where I could have had my queer coming-of-age. The Miltown Kings drag troupe in particular makes it a point to comfort everyone in a safe atmosphere and they also have worked with dozens of nonprofits, volunteer organizations and campaigns.  There is a ton of drama, believe me!  But it’s set aside when shit needs to get done.  I remember when photography was banned at their shows because not everyone was out!  Now they want everyone to show off everything all the time, educate and welcome everyone.  I’m homesick for them.  

And then there’s Milwaukee PrideFest, the annual 3 day festival.  Pride Friends, the people you only ever see at PrideFest but you’re so happy to see each other every year.  I remember when queers from all over Wisconsin would come down and have their only Pride experience for the entire year - now they’re making spaces in their own communities and they bring their kids down to PrideFest!  My high school reunion is the Saturday night of PrideFest 2014 and I really hope I can do both.  I’m homesick for Milwaukee PrideFest even more than this time of year when I lived there.

The Chicago queer scene never impressed me: rampant transphobia and racism, people judged you by the labels you wore, one-upping each other all the time, drama gets in the way of everything.  The Madison queer scene is very welcoming and educational, but they have had severe management issues for years.  Milwaukee’s queer scene is the absolute best.  I’ve seen people transition, advance in their careers, get into relationships, get out of relationships, fuck up relationships, have kids, have dogs, have cats, get addicted, break addictions, move away, come back.  Everyone always has their eye on each other, which is really shitty when you’re trying to keep a messy breakup private - but it’s also comforting in some ways.  The familiarity and comfort are so far away now.

Of course one drag show here doesn’t tell me much about the Nashville drag troupe or queer community.  It was very different from the Miltown Kings community: nobody in bondage gear, only 1 performer spoke to the audience to announce an upcoming drag pageant, the performers clearly put a LOT of money into their appearances, no PBR (maybe that’s for the best), more racial diversity but less diversity of bodies.  I’ll definitely return to learn more, but for now I actually wish I was in Milwaukee.

SlutWalk Season

I always love Pride Month, but this June is turning out more active and exciting than any beforehand. In addition to travels galore (to get away from the Midwestern winter's grip), Chicago's SlutWalk and Milwaukee's PrideFest were just a week apart! Both events serve as a statement of sexual freedom, from activities to identities. Both involve pride, networking, diversified unity, and a good serving of comedy. And there are those who choose to withdraw from both events, either because it's just not their cup of tea or from policy disagreements. And that's fine!

At Chicago's SlutWalk, I got a t-shirt advertising the event and its date. I wore it to Milwaukee's PrideFest, naturally. At least a dozen people, ranging from sassy queens to rough bulldykes and everyone in between, commented on it and asked me about it. All of them said that, had they known it was going on, they would have come down to march. I told them all the same: Google Milwaukee's SlutWalk and march in that one. Later, I discovered that the booth of ToolShed, Milwaukee's queer sex shop, had information on their city's upcoming SlutWalk. August 13!

You can see at http://www.slutwalktoronto.com/satellite where and when worldwide SlutWalks are taking place. Or you can just search online your location and "SlutWalk."
The fact that this kind of event, marching out against sexual assault and oppression, is internationally popular implies that people are ready for change. It's arguable what a few hours of marching can accomplish, true. But the eagerness to make a public statement, in the streets, across cultures and nations is suggestive of perhaps greater changes. This has coincided with the DSK scandal, for example, which many consider to be the international Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas. That scandal has brought to European cultures what Anita Hill arose in America nearly 20 years ago. Could it be that all these people around the world are sick of the silence around sexual harassment? Are people finally coming around to the idea that appearances are not invitations? Pride has loosened the connection between sexual preference and personal quality, and maybe now that concept is extending beyond the LGBTQ community.

Dyke March

Yesterday was Dyke March Chicago, the second one I've attended - the first in 2006. Since I have to work during THE Pride Parade, I went to this.

The march itself was fantastic. A few hundred people enthusiastically chanting in political, semi-hipster gear. The '06 march was rather different: whiter, younger, wealthier, more exclusive/separatist, more academic. Trans was not a part of it at all. This year's march was much more trans-centric and diverse (although it was still predominantly white and young). So that was great!!

A lot of things went wrong, though, with my experience, and a couple of these things were on behalf of the march organizers...

- it took me nearly 2 hours to get there. Not only did the march happen in a very inconvenient place for car-free north-siders, but the CTA fails at everything. The organizers obviously can't help that. The south side was chosen because it's "untraditional", and that particular area was chosen because it's busy and a great public space...that doesn't ameliorate that the site was miles away from the L and the bus service is shit.
- the march was very late. I was over a half hour late because of the shitty transportation and the march still had not started by the time I got there.
- I've had a falling-out with one of the groups involved in the march. Nothing big, just personality clashes that could have been avoided had the leaders been inclusive in practice, not just in theory. It was just unpleasant to be with those people again, only one of whom acknowledged that I was there (one of the people who was always super-nice to everyone).
- the post-march rally was...cliquey. This issue ties in with the one above.

Moral of the story: I spent 4 hours traveling today to participate in a late, great march and then be reminded that my company isn't wanted. Fantastic

Gay Identity

I've been thinking a lot lately about gay/bi identity. In growing circles, especially upper-middle, post-mainline-Protestant/liberal-Catholic, semi-liberal ones, there is no gay identity. There's no need to come out, you can bring home anyone (provided they're in somewhat the same parameters as you) and there won't be an issue. In these safe, white-bread circles, there's no need for queer activism because homophobia is not known...except for the state/federal level.

The safety and acceptance is wonderful, but there is no gay/bi identity. I've known a small handful of people in situations like these - one of them took me a few months to wrap my mind around - and they have a really ard time relating to the queer community because they lack or even decline the identity. The thing with these social groups is that everyone is so "straight-acting"; gender variance is Other.

These groups are a lot like the HRC: the safety and acceptance are exclusive no matter how much they pretty it up. They don't see homosexuality and bisexuality as gender-related issues (Riki Wilchins says the exact opposite. I think it depends on the situation) so, if you step outside the liberal-by-comparison gender roles, that welcome is withdrawn. Queerness is held at arm's length or further, nonconfrontational gayness and bi-ness are fine. This is where the gay and bi identities wear away to no identity and leave gender-variant people out in the cold.

The thing is, the government, powerful religious groups, renters, employers, schools, etc. and violent people in general equate all non-breeders with each other no matter how "straight-acting you are." They care about the doing, not the being. The less gender-variant you are, granted, the less likely you'll experience discrimination and harassment. On a government level, though, we're all fucked.

Unfortunately, for a lot ofp eople and institutions, gay/bi identity exists because we are oppressed. Without oppression, our actions and behavior would be considered "normal" so the safety, symbols, empowerment, etc. would not be considered necessary. I honestly don't believe that I would have Pride or even the identity had I come into an accepting environment - it just wouldn't occur to me. I do love my Pride and queer identity!! Not because I'm oppressed but because I love the community, culture, freedom, etc.

Take away the oppression, discrimination, harassment, raised eyebrows, closet, etc. and gayness/bi-ness becomes normal. When it's normal, there's no identity. This is a long loooonnnng way away...but it may happen. I hope that Pride won't wear away with it.