I've been doing a lot of thinking, reading, discussing, journaling, etc. lately. What it all comes down to are a few things:
- as discussed on Queeries.ning.com, one of the most difficult things going on is reconciling a feminine-childhood with a queer-adulthood. This being the case, there has been a definite "womyn-identified-womyn" period in my life.
- that period is over. I might go back to it later in life, but it's not happening now. That does not mean at all that I identify as a man: I definitely don't.
- any labels/categories/etc. feel constricting. "Androgyne," "genderqueer," etc. just don't quite seem to cover what I've got going on. Only the biggest umbrellas of "queer" and "transgender" are big enough to cover me. I used to think that people who claim that they don't like labels were kinda wishy-washy, but now I'm among them. Sorry, guys.
- I feel like I'm not "arrived" yet. I don't know where I'm going, how long I'll stay there, etc. but I know that I'm en route.
Taking in these points, I have the "F" and the "t" and then just a "?". Female-to-? I think that is the most accurate label when I have to use one. I'm not actively transitioning, I'm happy with who I am and change is naturally happening in my life anyway. When I do and what I want are just what I do/want naturally and not toward any specific point.