Apparently articulating my discomfort with femininity was the last step to removing it. I'm still not really attracted to femininity, but that's more, now, out of genuine preference rather than avoidance. It's still a process to tear down the old/poisonous and restructure the new/healthy. And I'm still exploring masculinity, unsure as to whether it's the novelty of it that's so exciting or previously unknown comfort...http://queeries.ning.com has been really helpful.
Tonight, I took a long walk from State/Superior to Broadway/Addison. It was SO GREAT!! I passed a classy Loyola University residence hall in River North. Agape at the atrium and other extravagance, I thought to myself, "This makes my dorm look like a piece of shit." The building also has some designer boutique and super-expensive restaurant. The homeliness of my dorm became much more apparent and I'm sooooooooooooo grateful that we didn't have to share the space with non-campus businesses we couldn't have afforded anyway. Compared to other university/college residence halls, I'm very glad that I was in Austin Hall.
And OMFG I AM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK IN CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!!!