Many believe that the Third Wave of feminism - the riot grrrl movement of the 90's - ended the anti-porn and anti-sex aspects of the Second Wave. Lesbian feminism was actually very pro-sex, but within very specifically defined and even mandated terms. Despite the changes in feminism and its impact upon society, many women still withhold their sexual desires/energy/etc. This trend is from a multitude of social influences such as Catholicism, virgin/whore status, the use of sex to gain power, and the entire concept of femininity as servitude as ideal. And I can tell you from years of experience, repressing one's own sexual desires in order to please others is even common amongst the lesbian community! It is an all-encompassing social issue for people, especially women, to sacrifice desire in order to please another.
...So much to the point that one's own inner workings become automatic. When several people over a long period of time degrade you for having a higher libido than them, it becomes automatic to turn your own sexual energy into "something productive." You don't even have to think about it because it's just too painful to worry over whether something is actually wrong with you for wanting something. Maybe this is why so many housewives obsess over cleaning and baking . . . It really does suck to put your sexual desire/energy on hold, no matter the reasons and even when nobody is at fault, for so long that it disappears. Even worse once you learn to embrace that energy because it makes you feel/think that you were wrong for doing so.
There is a fine line between declaring what you want and pressuring someone into something ze doesn't want to do. Maybe I'm falling back into socially constructed ideas, but the price isn't worth the pursuit.
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