Saturday, August 22, 2009


For maybe six or seven months, the thought of taking T has played on my mind. I'm very happy with my body, I don't want any drastic changes, but I feel like a more androgynous appearance would fit more with my androgynous/genderqueer identity. I'm happy with being female and I feel at home in the company of most women (most Alverno women . . . . who are ENTIRELY different from the women of the world), but I am not a "lady." I'd like more changes in details than an overall alteration. I haven't allowed myself to research T more because I figured that it might become more tempting to try and I already have too much on my plate.

And then I learned about this stuff, Androgel. It's a lower, more plateau-ed dose of testosterone and some androgens. I did some Googling and I couldn't find much comprehensive, direct information - its website fails for anyone who isn't an older, disgruntled man. This is the clearest I could find: Again, I didn't do much searching because I have bigger things to worry about. And I wouldn't want to try anything until I have medical insurance.

I wish I could have a trial-run for a month or so to see if it's really something I want to get into. I'm still unsure of my own motives: would this really be the way to go to avoid catcalls (even in cargo shorts, Converses and my gayest t-shirt), being addressed as "dear," and the invisibility of being a petite woman in a masculine man's world? A more androgynous appearance would fit my inside more and would be a challenge to the gender norms with which we live, but it wouldn't ward off idiots - it might even invite them. After I move, get a job, get INSURANCE, etc. I'll consider it more . . . even though the thought won't leave me alone while all that is happening.

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